GO ASK NAMJOON | kim namjoon

entry #79

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hello diary.

I told you I would write in you again when I'm sober, and here I am.

the first time in three months.

nothing has changed in those three months, and I'm glad. I haven't changed my mind, I still won't give it up.

I can't, I really can't and no one understands that.

I applaud all the addicts out there who get better, who dont fuck up and relapse, because unfortunately I'm not one of them.

I've been getting high before any event that we have, and even after. no one has noticed and I think at this point no one  really cares.

that's fine, I'm glad they dropped it.

they shouldn't waste their time trying to help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

I dont talk to anyone anymore, I'm mostly by myself and that's how I want it to be.

so when I die no one will get hurt, no one has to be attached to me. I'm such a bad friend I truly don't deserve them.

I'm sorry, but I can't help it y'know?

sometimes (most of the time) I just really want to fucking die and I don't think about how that will affect people around me. I know it'll hurt but they'll forget about me, it's fine.

why did I even open my laptop to write this I genuinely dont have anything to say, other than everything I've already did.

in conclusion I hate everything and I want to overdose and die :)

-Namjoon