Write Better: Tips and tricks

Sentence Order

Order and organization are important elements in creating a story that not only flows but sounds clear. For the most part, the story should be moving forward toward the conclusion in every scene. Flashbacks and memories are common and effective tools. On a small-scale level, it's important to remember that your sentences can also move backward and forward. As with the big picture, most sentences should be moving forward toward the conclusion. This is easy. We do it automatically.

First A happens, then B. Then C, and so on and so forth. This keeps the story flowing in the same direction, reducing drag and backwards thinking when someone has to reverse course. Every so often, however, a sentence or bit of wording changes that direction.

Here's a quick visual:

->  ->  ->  -> ->

vs

 -> -> <- -> ->

Here's some sentence visuals:

The osprey took flight after the gulls harassed it.

Tate sprang back. Kesha had turned into a snake!

The reader imagines the outcome/forward action and then has to hit the breaks and rewind the scene to imagine a prior action/statement.

Outcomes/Forward action: Osprey took flight, Tate sprang back

Rewinds: the gulls harassed it; Kesha turned into a snake

As you can see, there isn't anything WRONG with those sentences. They're readable. They're common. You can understand what's going on. If someone asked you which part happened first, you'd get it right every time. This is basic reading comprehension. You aren't asking readers to understand, "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo."

Why do we use this technique?

Sometimes it's nice to change up phrasing and order! Sometimes this is a writer's style or a useful technique for telling the story the way we want!

Why bother watching out for it in your writing?

As with any item in your writer's toolbox, overuse or inappropriate use of this structure can hurt the story.

If you consistently use this format, the story itself can start to stall. And because it's a more subtle applied technique, it can be that much harder to catch.

The story might feel like it's dragging, a paragraph might not sound so compelling in a way you can't quite put your finger on.  You might wonder why this scene doesn't quite pack the punch you feel it should, or why it just doesn't sound as catchy as other stuff you've written or read.

Repairs are really simple for this, and mostly involve either a stronger description, a reordering of words, or the inclusion of a proper action-reaction sequence. Here's one way to repair Tate and Kesha:

The darkness writhed with coiled hisses. Tate sprang back. Kesha was, she was...! The pink tines of her new tongue tasted fear quivering on his bottom lip. He had time to wonder, But how?! and then her widening, pearly smile closed around his head.

I fleshed it out a bit, but you can see that we gave a Tate something to react to first. Then the action progresses forward.

Maybe we want to keep it brief and astonishing. Maybe it doesn't need to change at all.

It's just something to be aware of. One of those tiny little elements of writing that can make a big difference on the page!