Another you. {Austlan Cashby}

Chapter twenty-three

[Austin]

I couldn't help but to be angry. Alan knows that I like him and here's him telling me that he wants to date a girl he only just met? Oh, please. How could he even think he co- Oh God. Listen to yourself, Austin. You're being so selfish. Think of Alan, he's helpless. He likes her, get the fuck over it.

Alan was slouching in his seat and we were only two hours into the drive. I could see him looking sad and lonesome. I sighed and rubbed my forehead. "Alan." I said, leaving him to ignore me anyways. I reached for his arm and he didn't flinch. I stroked his arm friendlily. "I'm sorry about earlier, I was being unjustified. If you like the girl, go for it. I'm not one to get in your way." I whispered consolably. I gasped silently, turning my head to the road and back to Alan consistently in between. "Alan what's wrong?" I said and he wiped his cheek as a droplet leaked from his eye.

Alan looked at me with watered beads in his eyes. "I don't know," he laughed a little. "I want to ask her out but.. I feel like I cant.." he continued. My eyes were complete with confusion and so I looked at him with furrowed eyebrows. "It's stupid but.. I feel like you're in my way. Not in a bad way. But like, in some way, although it makes no sense at all.. If I dated her, I'd feel like I'd be cheating on you in some way or another." he muttered.

What? Wait, what? What? What? "Alan? Hah, uh you know we're not dating... I'm not stopping you, at all." I replied.

[Alan]

"No, Austin. You aren't, at all. In my head, I.. I-I want to be.. With you? But with her? But with you? But.. I don't know?" I mumbled. What was I saying? What do I want? I like Anamaria, I'm not gay!

What? What am I thinking? Austin was red now and I didn't want to mislead him. "Austin, I really don't know what I'm doing. Or saying. Or thinking." I sighed. Austin looked disappointed. He looked at me and smiled slightly. "Alan, you need to sort head out. Why don't you nap and get your head straight?" he suggested and I took his advice and nodded off to sleep as Austin played soft music on the stereo. Soon enough, I was fast asleep and put my thoughts on pause and my peace on play.

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I woke up and Austin was still driving. I checked the time and there was about twenty minutes left until we reached my place. The area seemed quite familiar even though it was quite dark now. "Had a good sleep, kitten?" Austin whispered, gulping slightly. "Yeah, thanks." I smiled, rubbing my eyes. "We're not far from your house now." he said, yawning.

"You should get some sleep as soon as possible." I said, feeling concerned. He nodded and I smiled slightly to myself. He looked adorable when he was sleepy. I saw him struggling to open his eyes and asked if he wanted me to take over. "Na, it's okay. Only a few minutes away." he said, smiling at me. "Okay," I said with a pout. "Don't crash." I whispered and he smiled a little.

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Finally we arrived and I rummaged through my pockets for the key. It was sharing the same keyring as my car key and I opened the door. Austin was leaning on the wall besides the door with his eyes closed. I tugged on his arm, "Come on, sleepy head.", I laughed as he shot out of his slumber. He followed me in and put our bags besides the door. I turned on the lights and felt like the last three years were retuning to me.

The island in the kitchen was visible from the front door as the kitchen was shared with the living room. I scanned my eyes across the long room. It was clean and tidy. "Nice place, man." Austin mumbled from beside me. I smiled, it was a nice place. But the memories in here were haunting me. Because this was of course the place I mourned for Austin, for three consecutive years.

There were even times I'd try to bring girls home and get over him, but I couldn't. I walked over to the couch, the same couch I was sitting on with a girl that alcohol told me I liked. That same girl was a girl which my heart told me I didn't. So I had to send her home before I did something I regretted. "Well, do you want something to drink?" I asked as Austin walked around the living room. He looked at me and said, "Water will be fine." with that million dollar smile of his.

I went over to the kitchen and filled a glass with bottled water. I handed it over to him. "You remembered I don't drink tap water?" he said, taking a sip from the glass. I remarked myself. "Oh yeah!" I smiled. I'm really glad something is returning to me.

I rested my arms on the island in the middle of the kitchen while Austin finished his water. He took his glass to the sink and washed it. He yawned and picked up his bag. "Is it okay if I sleep now?" he asked innocently. I nodded. "I'll show you to your room. Well my room, the guest room kinda has loads of laundry in it ahh." I laughed.

"Where are you going to sleep?" he asked blushing a little. "Downstairs, I'm gonna watch a film or something anyways because I slept earlier so I'm not too sleepy." I told him. He nodded and I guided him to my room. I sorted out my bed and let himself get comfortable. "Well I'll be downstairs if you need anything." I smiled to him as he took out his pyjamas. "Okay, night kitten." he said over his shoulder and I closed the door on the way out.

Being on my own isn't too great. I tend to over think and I could feel it apprehending on me now. I sat down in the living room with a duvet and a pillow. I turned the TV on and Friends played as my background. I sighed, today was weird.

Anamaria, she was amazing. Honestly, I'd do anything to ask her out on a date. But at the same time, even though I can only slightly remember, Austin and I have been through a lot and being around him makes me want him.

I let out a sigh and needed something to escape my thoughts. I walked over to the kitchen and rummaged through the cupboards until I found some alcohol. In the fridge was a pack of beer, perfect. I carried the bottles and a bottle opener back to my previous seat and opened one.

I sat back as I generously gulped down the what seemed to be a helpful remedy. The mouthfuls of liquor poisoned my tongue and soothed down my throat as I felt no intoxication. Until of course I ended up having four of the 6 bottles there. My head pounded only slightly, since when was I lightweight. Memories quickly approached to a couple of days back when I intoxicated myself and ended up almost killing myself.

I began to cry. Why was I doing this? Was it because of Austin? Or because of myself? I buried my head in my hands and was alerted when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. I quickly wiped my eyes and hid three of the bottles and the rest of the pack leaving only one bottle on the table. "Hey Alan, where's the bathroom?" Austin asked, rubbing his eyes. I wipe my eyes away from his sight and pointed to the door opposite the stairs. "It's just there." I stuttered, the previous cry breaking my voice. "Are you okay, Alan?" Austin asked.

That question. It just made everything worse. I stood up and accidentally knocked down one bottle that was on the floor which created a domino effect to the other two. I cursed myself silently as Austin ran up to me and picked up the bottles which were on the floor. "Alan, why are you drinking? You know where that got you last time." he said with grave disappointment in his eyes.

"I-I don't know." I cried. Austin sighed and pulled me into a hug which I eased into. My heart was beating fast and I didn't know what to do. Austin sighed and took a deep breath before holding me straight by my shoulders and looking me directly in the eyes.

[Austin]

I looked at Alan. His eyes were full of sadness while mine were full of a different kind. I knew what I was going to do was foolish but I did it anyways. I leant in and kissed Alan delicately. His petal like lips eased into mine until he pulled away brashly and pushed me away. "No, Austin! No," he bawled hysterically. "I c-can't."

I sighed and shook my head, deeply regretting my actions. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that." I muttered. Alan was still crying and I didn't do anything about it; making me feel horrible.

Alan sniffled but was still crying. We stood there for minutes before he walked closer to me in tears. He wrapped his arms around my neck and cried as he pulled my head so my forehead pressed against his. In his desperate cries, he rejoined his lips with me, still crying in between. I returned the action and soon I could taste his salty tears in the kiss which moved into a kiss of passion.

Only mine was passionate love, and his was passionate pity.

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Word count: 1646

*A/N: I actually have the next few chapters planned out. This was kinda off the top of my head but I think it came out okay. Thanks for all your encouragement to update haha, I love it. Read, comment, vote! I love you all; hope you enjoyed it. ♡*