Extant

Chapter 16

"What the hell am I supposed to do?" she said, pacing back and fourth in my bedroom. Alex rarely uses any type of "profanity".

"Hey, it will work out, just stop pacing and sit down and we'll think, you're giving me anxiety by moving around so much." I said, patting the bedding next to me.

She let out a long, heavy sigh, trudging her way over to me. She flopped down onto my bed, putting her head in my lap as she looked at the ceiling as if it had an answer for her.

I ran my fingers through her damp hair. She had just taken a shower and put on one of my loose t-shirts and shorts.

I've never seen her in shorts that go to her knees, and I think they looked pretty cute on her. The girl looked like she should be so relaxed, but instead, she's completely overwhelmed.

"There's no possible way you can tell the truth, is there." I said, breaking the silence.

She rubbed her face with her hands. I could tell that was a definite no, and what I said added some more stress.

"Maybe tell them you're sick?" I said, spouting out random ideas at the top of my head. Works for getting out of school.

"If I said I was sick they'd probably want me to come home so they can take care of me or something." she said sadly.

That was a possibility.

"Fuck."

"Hey now, it's going to be okay Alex. Amazing brain will think of something, don't you worry." I said, reaching for her hand and intertwining our fingers.

She let out a long breath and relaxed into me some more.

I wish we could just stay like this forever.

No need to worry about parents or school. Just laying here together in peace.

"Maybe you can tell them that Tobin is sick and that you're actually at someone else's house. Or, honestly, you could just have dinner with them and maybe they wouldn't be asking so much if you saw them."

Her expression seemed as if she tasted something bitter. I'd probably feel the same if my parents weren't accepting of me.

"That's a nightmare in itself." she said, sitting up and throwing her hair to one shoulder.

Her blue eyes caught my attention. They were the best things to look at on this entire planet. Not even fuzzy seal pups had competition against this girl.

This goddess.

"Has anyone told you how fucking astonishing you look Ms. Morgan."

She raised her eyebrows at that.

My thoughts escaped my lips without any control. I looked at her with intense concentration. I wanted to give her my undivided attention.

"Not really with those words... no." she said, red starting to arise on her cheeks. She started to play with the bedding fabric, losing eye contact with me.

"I know all of this is hard right now. You deserve a lot better. I just want you to know that I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

She nodded her head, still looking at the bedding. I took her chin and raised it up so she would look at me again, her eyes capturing my heart in one second.

"Alex Morgan, I would like to kiss you right now."

"Then why don't you?"

"I want to make sure it's what you want."

She sat up straighter.

How ironic.

"Of course it's what I want to do. I think... I don't know. What I really want is for things to be simple." she said, a frown on her face.

"Simple meaning being with a guy?" I asked quietly.

She had pain in her eyes.

I knew this was going to happen. Honestly right, because who in their right mind would want to date me anyway.

She's having second thoughts about this whole debacle. I don't blame her I guess. There's not a lot I can really seem to do for her. She's very independent already and doesn't need someone.

"I didn't say that."

"But I bet you're thinking it. It's alright really. You can go back to Servando or preferably another guy who will treat you better. If it's what you need, I want you to be able to have that."

She opened her mouth a few times to say something, but nothing ever came out. A few minutes later she finally said something.

"I think I should just stay with them a bit. Get them to not feel like they need to know what I've been up to." she said, scratching her arm.

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea."

"Will you be okay here by yourself?" she asked.

Not really.

But I can't say it.

"Yeah." is all I decided to say. She nodded and got off of my bed.

"I'll see myself out so you don't have to get up." she said walking to the door of my bedroom. "I'll text you or something."

"Sounds good."

And with that, she was gone.

I was left to myself. I don't know why I can't just say I'm in pain or that I'm upset. I feel like I'd be selfish dumping my shit on her. I go to therapy, but I really don't have a good relationship with him. We never really talk about my mental state, as weird as it sounds.

We just talk about how I'm doing in school or how my friends react to me recently "coming out".

It's kind of pathetic. I have only had one therapist besides a physical therapist, but I'm pretty sure you only talk about school and relationships with people if it is connected to any emotional things. I don't know though.

What I do know is that it felt a lot colder without Alex next to me, without her body radiating heat into this sad room.

I decided it was probably for the best if I went to sleep.

Recently I've been really fatigued for no good reason. I'll sleep for 12 hours but I'll still wake up exhausted, and not to mention, with dark circles.

Very attractive.

I'm not really one for makeup though. I could really care less, it's more work I have to do in the morning and I just don't think it's worth it.

It's been a while sleeping in my own bed, it makes me feel how big it is without someone else in it.

It was almost uncomforting.

I decided to go to the couch, not bothering to pull it out to make it into a bed. I got a pillow and a blanket and slept there, on my side.

I'd occasionally pick my phone up off the table and look at it, with the same thing on the screen.

Just the time.

I never got that "text later or something" Alex was talking about.

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A/N:

i hate these short chapters so expect some more length to the next few