Liza Minnelli and White Chicks Crossover

Chapter One

  (Skipped to when they arrive at the Hamptons) Liza flops out of the car and onto the floor, as Lorna puts her two fingers through her swamp ass as she gets out. "Man sure like to cut that cake." A man passing by says to Liza. "Oh! Cut my poo cutter!" Liza demands as she stands up shuffling her minnellis around. Lorna puts her swamp-assy fingers under Liza's nose. Liza ulllgs and slaps her pho in Lorna's face. A man in the distance whistles romantically at Lorna, in response she pulled up her dress and pulled down her sweaty panties and spread her ass cheeks apart and let out a spray of liquid shit. The man ran off in fear with shit stains all over his body. A mouth-breathing penguin mothafuckah approaches the ladies, it had a staff-uniform on. "Welcome, to the Royal Hampt-" Liza abruptly interrupts and shoves her minnellis in its face. Lorna tugs Liza away from the staff and hands it a bag full of tampons and rubbers, "Take this and give it to the lil baby cow." Liza and Lorna then walks off into the Hamptons. Liza and Lorna approach the front desk, but Liza approaches too fast and her minnellis hit the cup with pencils in it. "Oh! Minnelli, you gotta SLOW DOWN with those cosmos!" Lorna says as the loudly slaps her pho. The receptionist was a big buff cocoa puff named Buck Chocolate. He stood looking at them confused but also intrigued by their minnellisms. "Lorna and Liza Minnelli!-" Liza waves her minnellis left to write and hits a rack over which was on the table. "Oh! Sorry, they're freshly fluffed." Liza apologizes as she lightly slaps her minnellis. "i see. I'm gonna need your poo cutter massagers." Buck Chocolate bluntly says in his manly black voice. Liza opens her purse and sees that her poo cutter massager is covered in shit. "Ulllg! I can't show them it has my fanny fudge all over it!" Liza thinks to herself. "Poo cutter? Massager? I am so, minnelli-ing pissed. I got my poo cutter enlarged and loosened today and that tramp made my poo cutter look like Donald Trump's mouth! And then I get here, and Buck Chocolate! Makes me feel like I'm some dumb minnellism, with a fake poo cutter, going to a minnelli tossing contest!" Minnelli loudly scolds. "No minnellism, i didn't mean to offend you-" Liza cuts him off and says "I'm gonna have a MF." "Oh! Minnelli, she's gonna have a minnelli fit!" Lorna exclaims. "No, don't have a MF now..!" Buck says concerned. "My minnellis are gonna call yo boss! Better yet, I'm gonna write a letter." Liza says grabbing some paper and pencil that her minnellis knocked down. "Dear, mister, royal hampton. i am an iconic minnelli, in America." "Is there a problem here?" The manager, Amy Schumer says. "Yes." Lorna and Liza both say symphonically. "These are two of our VIP guests, direct them to their rooms. Immediately." Amy says. "Yes, ma'am." Buck quickly gives them their directions, Liza ulllgs and waddles over to the elevators but is cut off. Three gals approach them excitedly and tossed their minnellis around. "I SEEEEE!!" Lorna said as they all hugged together. The friends are Mitzi Gaynor, Helga Stedman and Kathy Bates. They all waddled outside playing with their minnellis. Liza sees the mouth-breathing penguin mothafuckah holding a plate of quiche. "Oh!! I must rub my minnellis on them and shove them in my mouth!" Liza exclaims. She runs over to them and rubs them all on her minnellis, then to rub them on her face and into her mouth. As Liza is eating. Mitzi points out their mortal enemies standing in the distance, Pugs and Eddie. "Look, the fen fen twins." Mitzi says as she tosses her minnellis. 'Ullg, I'm gonna make their ears fly!" Helga shouts. Pugs and Eddie overhear Helga's intense yelling, and walk over to the gals. "Pugs, look who just flew in from the slums of Haight Assbury." Eddie smugly says glaring at Liza and Lorna. "Exsqueeze me? Do you want me to rub honey in your poo cutters?" Liza says as she grabs honey out of her purse. Scared, Pugs and Eddie scadattle outta there before they get their bungholes lubed up. Liza and Lorna do a pho victory dance, then Liza farts shit out of her silky blue pantsuit. "Ulllg! I ate too much of this! I needa piss out of my ass!" Liza squawks as she runs into the bathroom. She slams the stall door shut as she lays her wrinkly sweaty ass cheeks on the cold toilet seat. She 'Oh!'s and shit flies under the stall and onto the ceiling. "I've filled this toilet! I can't do it in here!" Liza shouts as she runs to the sink and slaps her ass onto the porcelain clean sink. She overflows the sink with her liquid fanny fudge, it flies onto the mirror as well. "Ulllg! Why jesus!!!" Liza exclaims as she grabs her ass cheeks and stretches them apart. Lorna walks in only to see the whole bathroom covered in brown. Her jaw drops, being filled with Liza's shit. "Ulllllgggg!!" Liza says as she licks the shit off the wall trying to still taste the quiche. Lorna runs to Liza to try and assist her, grabbing her butt plug and shoving it in her ass trying to create a dam against the liquids. It stops coming out of the ass, but then flies out her mouth. Lorna in panic runs to Liza's mouth and lets it fly into hers. Liza has got it all out, but now Lorna has Liza's liquid shit squishing around in her mouth. Lorna gulps it down, saying "delicious!" shortly after. Lorna licks the shit off the whole room, then they exit the bathroom. David Gest walks out with his assistant, assistant Kim from the Anna Nicole Show. "It may be summertime in the hamptons, but it is snowing in my poo cutter up in here! Kim, hand me my zebra stripe snow boots because I'm about to go skiing!" David says excitedly. David looks around, then seeing Liza tossing her minnellis around. "Kim, c'mere. See that? An iconic minnellism, with big saggy minnellis. That's what I'm talking about!" David says and then approaches Liza. "Santa must've come early this year, because you are first on my Christmas list. I wanna know, are you naughty or nice?" Liza rubs her minnellis lightly and then says "Ooh, another gay man! I must play with their little tight poo cutter. Wanna play with my minnellis?" "I'd love for you to pour honey all over my little poo cutter, but i'm late for a bunghole tightening appointment. I'll see you later, my little poo cutter." David says with a subtle grin as he walks off. Liza then janis-moves over to the gals, seeing them play with their minnellis. "Hey Liza, what are you gonna wear to the party?" Kathy Bates says as she twists her sausage finger in her ear then sticking her ear wax drenched finger in her mouth. "Oh! I forgot to bring my newly cleaned silky pantsuit! We're gonna need to go shopping, gals!!" They all toss their minnellis around in excitement. They all get in their car and head to the store.