An open ended letter to you

Why are you still here?

After my breakup,

I went on 4 different tinder dates.

2 of which were on the same day.

And I never gave them a second date.

Then I met you.

And you were the first to get a second date.

But when I got baptized,

I told you we couldn't date.

So why haven't you left?

After I swerved all the rest,

They peaced out for good.

But not you.

You're still holding on.

We even had a snap streak

Cause everyday you'd ask me out,

And everyday I'd turn you down.

You've told me you don't want to go to church.

I've told you that's the only way it'd work out.

But you won't relent.

And I don't understand why.

You took things slow cause you knew I wanted to.

We had absolutely no physical touch (no hugs, hand holding, nothing).

So when I said goodbye,

I didn't think you'd really care.

That's when you told me you thought we were more.

That you had deleted your tinder after meeting me.

You told me that no other girl was worth your time.

But I'm not special so why?

I don't understand any of it...

I'm not special in any way.

I don't look it,

I don't act it.

I have broken your heart with every "no",

But you still ask.

You say you're not a good guy,

And yet you stayed in when I went to Lower Deck cause you didn't want to get drunk and mess up.

I hate that I'm hurting you,

Cause I really like you...

You helped me so much in getting over my ex,

And yet I can't do the same for you.

It's so hard, 

Cause I know that if I hadn't joined the church,

We'd be dating now.

You said it yourself.

We both want more,

But can't have it.

So I try to be your friend,

But you're still in so much pain...

I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry;

I really am.