An open ended letter to you

I didn't realize

When I told you what I told you,

I didn't realize you would care.

I didn't realize you cared...

At all.

You caught me off guard.

I wouldn't have said anything if I had known.

In fact, it wouldn't have happened if I knew...

Though that's not an excuse...

It shouldn't have happened anyways.

I was weak.

I feel guilty enough as it is.

Having you mad at me made it worse.

I guess I just don't get you,

Fair enough.

You don't get me either.

We're even.

But honestly,

You're always putting your tough guy act up,

You always make me feel like I'm stupid,

To think that you could ever like me.

I don't know what could have happened to make you be that way...

I wish I could help you past it.

But you won't let me.

I wish you would.

Apparently you do like me.

Or so I've learned.

You even moved across country

When I told you we couldn't be together.

And you acted like you would do anything to be with me.

And yet,

You couldn't even attend one church service with me...

Not one...

I wish you would have...

No one as attractive as you has ever liked me.

But I have committed to this....

Even if I have messed up a bit...

I didn't realize you were planning on making a trip to see me.

I didn't realize you Snapchatted me everyday because you wanted to talk to me.

I didn't realize you thought about me as much as you do.

I didn't realize anything...

You never made it clear...

Or maybe you did,

And I was just too blind to see it.

Maybe it was for my own good.

Either way,

I'm sorry.

To you for what I did,

And to myself and Him.