What's This?!

i need help

(I've been listening to this song on repeat although its been making me feel worse and i dont know the words)

(This chapter will be me complaining/talking/whining about my life. Leave if you want)

So any way, as the title says, I need help.

I don't want sympathy or to hear, "poor you" and "it'll get better" because it never fucking does.

I've been super stressed and depressed constantly and generally feeling horrible about myself.

I know it's been getting worse, but I don't know how to fix it, I guess you could say.

At school, it's fine, just the usual anxiety and stress but its like everything is suddenly worse when im at home.

I know it's mostly "in my head" and im "overreacting" but I don't know how to stop "overreacting".

My brother has spent the last hour tormenting me until I was in tears.

We both got in trouble but the point is, its always HIM that torments me, and he's mostly the one that makes me depressed at home.

A fucking nine year old.

But to add on the list (and I haven't told anyone this) A little while back I considered self harm but the only reason I didn't was because I was terrified someone would find out.

I also have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to kill myself. Its more, "I don't care if i die".

So, I'm just asking, if anyone has ways they or someone else managed this?

Cuz im fucking lost and I dont know what to do any more and honestly I'm terrified because of that.

And I'm not going to another psychologist.

Or telling my parents cuz they'll take me to one.

Help please?