Outlander: The Standing Stones

When My Home No Longer Welcomes Me

It's been a long time since I've updated this, but once Georgie got killed and Irina had to flee,  it's been hard for me to work on. Sure, I could have not killed Georgie off, but there would have been no movement to the story, and Irina would never have had to come to Leoch and face the challenges that she is facing.

BTW, I did hate killing off Georgie but I had to. I like him a lot better than Jamie. It's true, Jamie fans

I'm feeling nervous these days, and it's not just knowing the English are on the road, it's the fact that Collin Campbell and Black Jack Randall are with them. I don't feel safe. I'm conspicuous here, though I don't want to be. I'm not the only blond woman my age, but I don't blend in. My accent, even the fact that I look Russian with my slanted eyes and Slavic cheekbones mark me as a stranger. And I'm tall, which also makes me stand out. A soldier could ask questions about me, and an unknowing villager could tell them all they need to know.

Which could make things uncomfortable for Colum. I am one of his responsibilities now, but the English are quite ruthless. If they did learn that I was living in Leoch, and came to the keep and threatened the inhabitants, I'd give myself up rather than force Colum to do it. It's not fair, after all, he took me in and gave me refuge. I'd rather endanger myself than everyone here.

I'm so desperate that I'm thinking of leaving Baby here with Colum and Lady Lucretia That's how bad things have become. I'll leave a generous amount of money, and a letter for him to read when he's old enough, telling him why I had to do what I did. I don't want to do this, and might not be able, but I can't risk taking an infant on the road. If I leave him here, he'll be safe, or at least safer.

There's another thing that scares me, the castle is filled with Jacobites, and I don't want to get caught up with what's sure to come. And I don't know how well known their sympathies are. If Leoch isn't considered important, I'll be safe. If Collin comes here looking for me I don't know what I'll do. Maybe I can get away into the countryside, I can "rough it", so to speak, live either with or without a tent and wait until the English leave.

All this is making me crazy. I had Mrs. Fitz pack a lunch and a flask for me and I'm going to spend the day riding, and not come back until suppertime. Since the pistols aren't good for more than one shot, I'm taking along bow and arrows. I took an ancient weapons seminar and got pretty good with a bow. I feel vulnerable if I don't have something, and I can use the practice because it's been a while.

Mrs. Fitz helps me pack my lunch, along with the flask which holds a generous amount of whiskey. "Be careful, dearie," she tells me, her wide blue eyes showing concern. I find her rather ridiculous, but she's a good-natured soul. And though I haven't given her a reason to, she's taken to me—and I feel rather guilty about that.

Though I could have done it myself, Rob Roy is saddled and ready for me. As I mount up and ride off, I know just where I'm going.

Geillie lives in the next village with her friend. I'm going to take her riding with me and tell her everything—everything. And since she's Scottish, maybe she'll tell me her secret, which I know she has.

She's always seemed different. At first, I thought it was because she must have come from a good family and was better educated than most. She's a very skilled midwife and I felt utterly comfortable in her hands. So much so that when she disappeared, I was panicking because I didn't know who I could trust to deliver my baby.

I thought it strange that she had no family, but that's not unusual in these times, whole families get wiped out by smallpox or the plague or cholera. But still, something about her bothered me. She just didn't seem like a woman of these times. Even her accent is different, not so pronounced, even compared to Colum and Dougal.