-If you’re still mad, then why should we go out together?- Mary said
-I don’t know…
-You said you could not be my friend if you have feelings for me – She grinned – Therefore, people who are not friends usually don’t go out for breakfast together
-But I just want to… Like…- He gave a sigh and swallowed. You could tell he was a little anxious- Just forget it, ok? I am sorry.
-Sure – She said while leaving and kissing Jack goodbye- At what time does your flight leave tomorrow guys?
-Actually it leaves at 5 am… - Jack said.
-Well, Charly arrives today at eleven, but I guess her flight may get delay because of the storm, so I might see you there! – Mary said faking all the messed up feelings she had inside.
She left and walked again the, now, foggy and cold streets of London. Did she just receive an open and genuine outbreak of feelings from Finnegan? What should she do now? She did never experienced something like that: she was shocked by the fact that many things hit her at once as a hammer shot and now she was lost in a confusing ocean about either she was or not going to keep on being Finn’s friends and also about trying to get over Jimmy’s death.
Now, Charly was arriving at 4am because this storm that was over her head was absolutely terrifying. She said that she might see the twins at the airport but she didn’t want to. It was obvious that if she saw them, she would probably regret of not going to India. Did she still have the tickets? Of course she did; she even had a packed suitcase on the back of her van.
She got home and put her pyjama on, again. She made herself some green tea and she leaned in bed till it was 2:30pm. She had been speaking to Ben and Harry about what they were going to carry for recording the trip; she recommended some special lenses she would borrow them to special shots. After hanging off skype, she dressed up again; but now she put some more comfortable clothes. She prepared some tea and put it on a little thermal jug. She took a last look at her house, after putting her camera and stuff in a bag and shutting the lights off. Mary locked up the door and leaned to it leaving a sigh escape from her mouth. She remembered how everything got messed up and how much she wanted everything to go back to the way it was. She unlocked the door again, and she took a paper, an envelope and a pen. She put them away in her jacket’s pocket.
After, locking everything up inside the house and checking once again everything was in its place, she got into the van and she drive to Richmond Park. While driving, the tiniest raindrops started falling on her front glass. She speeded up as the road was empty; she suddenly felt a pressure on her head and decided to slow down.
“Are you stupid? Do you want to kill yourself? Really?”
Mary parked and took the thermal jug with her. Immediately after she shut the door, she sipped some tea to make her body a bit warmer. Her hand slipped into her pocket as she ensured herself everything was where she had put it. She saw how her shoes were stepping on the wet grass that was above them; her suede footwear was thin so water started to get into her feet.
After walking for around 20 minutes, she found a dry bench were she sat. She took out the stuff she carried on her pocket and started to write.
Dear Finnegan,
I am writing this a 3:15 am while I wonder what you might be doing. It took me at least two hours to decide what I should write and I am actually still not sure. I idolize you for many things, especially for your passions, for they have always been those things which are the most beautiful. And I am glad you have showed them to the world, for I know their lives are better for it.
You have taught me as well, and inspired me and unwittingly supported me in my life and goals and you will never know how much it has meant to me. I know this will probably sound awkward but I feel you are my best friend as well as a lover and I do not know which side of you I enjoy the most. But I treasure each side. You have something inside you, something beautiful and strong. Kindness, that’s what I see when I look at your eyes.
God is with you. He must be, for you are the closest thing to an angel that I have ever met.
I know sometimes you think me crazy for making stupid questions or being polite but I have my reasons and I thank you for your patience. I see your tears and I worry more about you than I do about me, because I fear the pain I know you will go through if I tell you the truth. There are no words to express my sorrow for this, and I am at a loss of words.
I care about you so incredibly much that I will find a way to come back to you as a friend despite everything. I promise you that. Please, don’t be angry with me on days I do not talk to you. Know that I care, that I always will and that no matter what happens, know I have led the greatest times in life with you.
I do care Finn. And I am sorry if I am not able to tell you. I am who I am because of you. You are every hope I ever had. You and I come from different worlds. You are a cheeky and happily raised boy and I am a slave of my past; and yet you are the one that taught me the value of friendship and love.
I don’t think you realise but you have saved my life.
Yours,
Mary Elizabeth Bloodworth.
Tears were rolling down her face; not sadness tears but tears of pride because… damn she had feelings for him. Not “I want to marry you” feelings but “I would kill myself if I don’t have you” feelings. She felt she owned him everything; every smile, every fulfilled dream, every learning. She felt that if it wasn’t because if him and his brother, she would probably be in some bad condition. She looked up at the sky and saw the mighty storm that was about to break down. Therefore, she save the letter on the envelope and put it away. Her phone rang.
From: Charly
“Where are you? I’ve just arrived”
To: Charly
“I am at Richmond Park. I will be there in 30’. I am sorry. XX”
From: Charly
“Never mind honey! The twins are her. I can waitJ”
Cool. The twins were there waiting to take a plane that would led them to most amazing adventures of their lives while she was going to stay at bed watching Disney’s films with Charly.
“Why are you stupid? You know what you gotta do!”
No, Disney’s films had to wait.
