Colour of Despair {Les Miserables}

Chapter Two

Helena! Your child is too close to me!" Felix called.

"Pick her up! I'm busy right now." I shouted back. There was a large pile of dirty sheets next to the washing up tub that I needed to clean. Not even five minutes later, I heard a sharp wail.

"Helena! Now she's making noise!" Felix called. I groaned and trudged down he stairs. Eponine was lying on the floor, screaming her head off.

"Felix! Why is she on the floor?" I asked, picking my poor child up and cradling her in my arms.

"She rolled off the table. It's not my fault she has the brain power of a one  year old." He grumbled.

"She's one and a half. Of course she was going to roll of the bar. I'm just asking that you watch her for me. Is that so much to ask?"

"I run a business. I don't have time to baby sit your child."

"She's your daughter too." I shouted, turning around and returning to the pile of washing. Eponine clapped happily and pulled herself up using the side of the tub.

"Please don't fall in, darling." I said, smoothing down her hair. She gurgled happily and bounced up and down, as I returned to scrubbing an old, faded blanket. I could hear the distant shouts of children outside, playing merrily in the snow, which fell thick around Montfermiel.

Eponine loved snow. If I ever had a free moment, I would bring her outside and she would try to catch the little flakes of ice, which fell daintily from the sky.

I could see her now, staring out the window longingly. I smiled at her.

"If mama finishes the washing, we'll go outside and play in the snow." I promised. She grinned again and started playing with some string she found on the floor.

I finished doing the washing in record time, hanging it off various chairs and tables to let it dry. Eponine looked at me hopefully, the piece of string lay forgotten.

"Yes, we'll go outside now." I said, scooping her up into my arms. She clapped her hands, as I wrapped a blanket around her shoulders.

The cold winter air hit me suddenly when I stepped outside. Snowflakes fell in a white blur around me, covering the town in an icy blanket of frost. Little flakes landed in Eponines hair, as she stretched her hand out to grab the snow.

I smiled down at her. It was nice to see her having a bit of fun these days, considering she lived in a horrid place.

I walked gingerly down the road, hugging her close to my chest as she became sleepy.

I walked and walked, until I reached the town's tiny church. During the day, one could see the priest at the door, smiling and giving alms to those who passed. Now it was all locked up, the windows dark and the spire looming upwards menacingly. A cold shiver ran down my spine. The last time I had stepped foot in the church, it was to baptise Eponine. Before that, it was for my Mama's funeral, and then my brother.

Without thinking, I walked around the side of the church and pushed open the old iron gate, entering the grave yard.

Although the snow fell prettily around the town, here it looked sinister and evil. Each gravestone was coated in a thick layer of snow, like icing on a cake. The pathway was no different. I could barely see the hard, grey paving stones beneath my feet.

Eponine whimpered slightly in my arms, all of her energy suddenly gone.

"Hush, my love. We are just visiting grandmama." I whispered. I had visited her grave so often, I barely had to think about how to navigate my way through the many thousands of gravestones. There was once a rumour, many years ago, that Marie Antoinette was buried in this graveyard, but I was sure that every town in France boasted the same.

I finally stopped in front of a small grave and knelt on the snow covered ground.

Elaine Eponine Myriel
11 March 1775- 16 May 1801
A beloved mother and wife.
She will be greatly missed by all
who knew her.

And also her son,
Édouard Charles Myriel
16 May 1801- 13 December 1808

May they walk together in the
garden of the Lord.

"Hello mama." I whispered. "I'm sorry I haven't visited in so long. This is your granddaughter, Eponine."

I held her out to the grave, her head nodding sleepily.

"I hope you're both warm wherever you are. You always hated the cold. And look, Édouard is next to you. At least you are not alone." I said, tears streaming down my face. I barely noticed someone walk up behind me until I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Madame, are you alright." A kind voice asked. It was the priest. I stood up carefully and wiped my eyes.

"I apologise Monsiour. I just came to visit my dear mama." I explained.

"Of course. You are the Myriel girl. Well, Thenardier now, are you not?" He said knowingly.

"Yes Monsiour. I do believe you wed Felix and I."

"I did indeed. And this must be your daughter."

"Yes, this is Eponine. I named her after my Mama."

"Of course. I remember Elaine. She was such a kind girl. I was devastated when I heard she had passed on."

"Yes, we all were."

"She died in child birth, did she not?" He asked.

"Yes, giving birth to my brother. He died of small pox over eleven years ago."

"How cruel it is that those whom we love are gone before we can truly love them." The priest said.

"I loved them. But you're right, they were gone too soon." I said.

"Don't worry. They are always close by." He said. "And you know, Helena, we would love to see your face in church again."

"Thank you, Monsiour, but I have sinned too much to be welcome beyond those doors."

"Everyone is welcome in the house of God. He says, forgive those who have sinned, does He not?"

"Yes, I know." I agreed. "Well, I should be getting back. I must put Eponine to bed."

"Of course. God bless you both." The priest said, walking back up the little cracked stone path towards the old church.

I glanced once more at the faded gravestone, wiped a tear from my eye and made my way towards home.

My life was like this vast graveyard. No matter what season, be it winter, summer or spring, it has a menacing, haunting air around it. No flowers bloom, no trees plant their roots. It seems as though the very crows are afraid to build their nests in the old stone wall.

And yet, it also has a beautiful quality about it, as though one should be afraid to speak to loud in case hey break the peace. One wrong move, and the whole place could come crashing down.

There are only a selection of differences between the graveyard and I. The first is that I am not filled with death. I do not exist off the tears of loved ones. I do not keep an account on all those who have passed on. I simply hold my head high and get on with my life.

The second, and most important, is that a graveyard has no light. Even during the warmest of days, it still seems to be dark and desolate. I have light within me. My light is my only ray of sunshine in the world, the only thing that keeps me from going mad, after hours of work and anxiety. My light is what keeps the darkness from destroying me. My only light is my darling Eponine.