How My Heart Behaves

Every part of you is pulling me, so don't pull away

  Ficlet 3: J.Views - Don't Pull Away (ft. Milosh) 

Every part of you is pulling me, so don't pull away 

don't pull away 

Every part of you is pulling me, so don't pull away

don't pull away 

I don't want to change today cause 

nothing stays anyway

I don't want to change today cause 

that's just decayed

I'll give you more, I'll give you more 

give me more, give me more

Singto leans his weight against the railing, the steel grounding against his back while he watches as the evening unfolds with the sky changing into a beautiful shade of purplish hue and the sun begins to sets at the far end of the horizon. He breathes gently, the view of Bangkok skyline during nighttime was exceptionally breathtaking and he was almost taken away with the sight. Almost.

Singto then returns his sight back to the party given the loud cheerful chatters from guests that have start filling up the venue at one of the high-rise building in the city center since the couple has decided to go for a rooftop wedding. It was a modern and yet minimalistic affair with minimal décor of lace covered tables with simple glass vases filled with eucalypus and white flowers, soft light glowing from the white round paper lanterns hanging from garlands of wild flowers and gentle hums of the cold breeze to the tune of some cheesy romantic pop music at the background – a reflective of their easy and relaxed personality.

He felt a twinge in his chest but quickly dismiss it with a raise of his hand for another glass of champagne from the good natured server. "Sir, it's your third glass for the night. Both bride and groom hasn't even arrived yet." She had said humorously to Singto but was taken aback with the look in Singto's eyes, the type of bone deep anguish across those red rimmed shining eyes.

Yet, before she could've offered her apology, hoping that she didn't offend him in any way, Singto simply offer her a barest kind of smile, a consolation of a sort.

"Heyy-" "Patricia was it?" "Has it been 3 glasses?" he laughed, a hollowed sound even to his ringing ears but that didn't stop him from drinking heartily the champagne or reaching out for another glass.

Singto then clears his throat, his mind a jumble of incoherent thoughts. "If I am this lucid with pathetic mess of emotion -"he starts only to be distracted when he caught the couple's portrait by the guestbook table. He'd be lying if the gaping wound in his chest didn't throb painfully or that the knots in his stomach twist painfully with sososomuch grief and hurt.

Fuck, he definitely had lost his mind. 'What sane man willingly photographed the love of their life with someone else's?' Yet again, Singto could never ever say no to - not to that sun kissed smiles and star-twinkled eyes.

Her brows rose sadly at him, with a knowing look in her eyes. Singto ignores that pitying look and downed another glass of champagne. 'Was he that obvious now?'

"I think I will need all the alcohol you can offer before they arrived." He breathes despite the tears pricking at the corner of his eyes.

He sniffed and wallows in stifling emotions surging up to his throat, suffocating him with so much wretchedness and emptiness. The hollowed bearing of such wanting crashes against him in waves and torrents of emotion and he found himself drowning in the undercurrent of his longing and needfulness for, for him. There he said it. But what's good for such admission when it's just too late.