I should have kissed you.

Chapter 1: My Toy Story Man

The cool wind blows my long brown hair in, making it tangled. I'm walking on the beach alone. The sand runs in between my toes, burning from the sun. i take a step back and tears run down my eyes. My knees give in and i fall to the ground. My heart has sunken in and shattered. I sit here on the beach thinking what i could have done wrong i lost 2 best friends and maybe even the love of my life. Savannah your so stupid i thought to myself. 

I start to think back to before any of this happened. We were all just really close friends. I have known Liam since we were both young. Little toddlers we were when we meant. Him and his mom had moved in when i was 4. Liam is a year older than me, but we instantly became friends. Either i was over his everyday or he was over mine. I remember the day we saw toy story together he was the happiest kid in the world. He was obsessed. I used to tease Liam as he always had a strange fear of spoons. It was our little secret but i still loved to him. We would play on the play set in his backyard and play hide and seek in mine. Liam was always like a brother to me. When i got hurt he was always there to help. He protected me, I loved that about him. In middle school when a boy broke my heart, Liam got suspended for taking up for me and punching the guy who did it. My mom always teased me saying i liked Liam. At first i denied it and than realized she was right. But by 8th grade i knew it wasn't going to happen i knew i was hoping and wishing for nothing. Liam saw me as a best friend and as a sister. I than only thought of him as a best friend or Brother. When my friends look at me and tell me how extremely hot Liam is. All I can say is i couldn't see myself with him. They tell me i am crazy, That me and him look like we were meant for each other. But how could i love someone that treated me like his sister. I hung out with him everyday. Since we were little. The question on whether or not i liked Liam ran through my head day and night for a while. Finally i convinced myself it was a no. I did not like Laim. He was only a friend.  

Me and my closest Friend Mackenzie go way back to 6th grade. She was new that year. During the middle of the year. I was her, i guess you can call "Tour Guide" of the school. We to instantly became best friends. We had Sleepovers every weekend. We had those inside jokes that only me and her thought were laugh out loud funny. Mackenzie and i were stuck like glue, We did everything together. Recently We Haven't had the best of friendship. she told me her secrets and i told her mine. Even our biggest one. Usually i have trust issues but for some reason i trusted Mackenzie. But not for long. We hit a little rocky point in the road. Mackenzie got mad at me for who knows what. She got really mad, She still wont tell me why. What she did was unforgivable. To Beyond but i forgave her anyway. She told my biggest secret and i forgave her. Yeah everyone looks at me differently but my friendship is worth more.

Liam and Mackenzie were my closest friends. I told them everything. If i ever lost them i would'nt know what to do. I wouldnt be Savannah anymore. I would'nt be the cheerful, Life filled Savannah. I would be dead and broken. Even though i have plenty of other friends no one is better. The lost would scare me for ever. My trust would be low i would'nt trust anyone. My self esteem well that would be dead to. Without the two people that i know will tell me the truth, when i ask about how i look. I would cry. 

 I'm still on the beach. Just kneeling on the hot sand. My knees start to hurt while the sand pushes on them. More tears come balling out of my eyes. All i want to do is scream, Scream because I'm so stupid. Very stupid for thinking that he actually wanted me. I wish I never liked him. I wish i was never in love. I wish i could turn my heart off and tel it to stoop pumping for him and just pump to live. I don't want him. But than i do. I tell myself " Savannah why do you do this to yourself. Why? why do you tare yourself up about ONE boy. It just does'nt make sense." The wind blows harder and i put my head in my hands. I start think again.