I should have kissed you.

Chapter 6: Letters to Liam.

Its been a week. Everyday Liam ignores all my text and calls and letters. Everything. He doesn't want me anymore. I made a mistake. A horrible Mistake. I think bake to that dream i had of Mackenzie giving me advice to know what is and is not the truth. I should of understood. I just had to say i knew it was the truth. I knew it wasn't photoshopped. But it was. I'm so stupid. Why is life so complicated, Every time something good happens, something bad follows. Perfect doesn't exsist, I should of known me and Liam wouldn't last forever. This is not some bump in the rode. This is a dead end. I drove myself off a cliff. Me and Liam are finished he said it him self. 

I lay in my bed for hours a day. I pulled out the photos i had put away when i was angry. When i was angry over nothing. I stare at the picture thinking this was all my fault. I screwed everything thing up. I look at the one photo. From the day before Liam had left. It was at the mall. One of the photo booth strips. The first one was both of us making funny faces, second was a normal smile, the third was of us looking each other in the eyes and the last picture was Us kissing. We looked like a couple that was going to last a life time. I really thought that i was going to grow old with Liam. Watch our kids play in the front yard, make mistakes and fall in love. I really did think Liam was the one i was gonna marry. 

I was wrong all wrong. I never expected this at all. I grab my Laptop and pull up my email. Nothing from Liam. Maybe my Emails didn't send. I go to check. They were sent, Liam was just ignoring me. I go through and read all my Emails.

EMAIL #1 

LIAM I LOVE YOU. ALWAYS HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL. THE DAY I MEANT YOU I KNEW WE WERE GOING TO BE BEST FRIENDS, AS WE GREW OLDER AND CLOSER I KNEW WE WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER. PLEASE FORGIVE ME LIAM PLEASE I BEG YOU.

EMAIL #2 

LIAM IM SORRY YOU HAVE NO CLUE HOW SORRY I AM, YES I MADE A MISTAKE. I TRUST YOU LIAM, I JUST GOT A LITTLE JEALOUS. LIAM PLEASE FORGIVE ME, STOP MY TEARS.

EMAIL #3

DO YOU EVEN CARE ANYMORE. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FOREVER PART IN I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER. DID YOU FORGET?

EMAIL #4 

I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIAM. I WISH YOU WOULD FORGIVE ME. WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES. ITS PART OF BEING HUMAN. I MISS YOUR CHILDNESS, YOUR CUTENESS, YOUR SMILE, AND YOUR EYES. I MISS BEING WITH YOU, HUGGING YOU, KISSING YOU. YOU MEANT THE WORLD TO ME. YOU DON'T EVEN SEE. I DO NOTHING BUT STARE AT THE WALL, I DO NOTHING. I MIGHT AS WELL NOT BE HERE. MY EVERYTHING IS GONE. BECAUSE THE THING I MISS THE MOST IS YOU! YOU MADE ME HAPPY LIKE NOBODY ELSE. YOU LIT UP MY WORLD. LIAM PLEASE JUST TALK TO ME STOP IGNORING ME. I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER HURT ME, YET THIS HURTS THE WORST. I WAS YOUR GIRL, YOU LOVED ME NOW YOU DON'T. WHAT HAPPENED TO ME AND YOU. DON'T LET US FALL APART. 

I sound desperate in each one those are only 4 out of the ten i sent. not including the others that i never sent. Nobody knows how much i loved Liam. Nobody.I'm alone in my own little world, i can't reach Liam he has cut me out of his life. The only person i know will talk to me is Colton. I did not want to go to colton for advice and talk about my relationship problems. but i do remeber it was Coltons, Honesty and good advice that i fell for.

Back when before me and Colton got to together i told him 'My secret'. Colton was the reason i stopped making myself throw up after every meal. He made realize how dangerous it was, he made me feel like the only girl in the world. Like i was beautiful once. It wasn't some bullshit either, Not something just to say so he can get in my pants. He was honest and i trusted him.  I pulled out my phone, my screen saver was a picture of Liam. I thought about deleting it but than i thought twice. I feel that Liam will still come around even after all i did to him. 

I go to my contacts and text Colton, to see if he was doing anything. He texted back within seconds. I invited him over and even through text you could tell he was excited. At least i knew someone wanted me but it was the wrong person. I wanted Liam to want me. Not colton. I don't want colton. I decide to take a quick shower, Colton said he would be over in about a hour so i had time. I took my shower and ate pop tarts before Colton arrived. My dog starts to bark and i walk to the door. Colton's hand was up ready to knock on the door. But i beat him there and opened the door first. I gesture him in and we go down to my basement. 

We start to play pool and than i ask him if he will help me like he did before. I look at him, than he looks at me.

" your not... " He starts to say.

" No" I cut him off.

" Than What?" he asked.

I first tell him about how i felt for Liam. Than i tell him about the picture, and how i thought i was defiantly was right. Than i tell him about our fight and how i was actually wrong. I knew he could tell i was a wreck. He was my last resort i had hit rock bottom. I'm desperate for Liam at this point. I feel as if Colton put aside his feelings for me when he came out and told me the best advice ever. 

"Savannah. Your beautiful. You have the the best qualities, your not easy and slutty and you know how to have a good time. He has known you for almost his hole life, If he still hasn't realized that you are the perfect girl. He is plan stupid. He will realize someday when its to late. He will realize that he missed out on such a beautiful girl. If he doesn't choose you than you not losing anything. You cant lose something that was never really yours. But he, he will lose someone who loves him dearly. He doesn't realize it now, but he will. If he loved you, you would know. " 

I turn my back to cry. Little tears flow down my eyes. I walk over to Colton giving him a hug. "Thank you Colton". He smiles, I back away before he tries something. I not ready to move on. I laugh and say " Alright lets finish this game, I bet i could beat you. " He looks at me and laughs to " Yeah in your dreams!" He says. He puts his game face on. I never really played pool before but Colton made it seem really easy. I beat him badly in the first game. Than he demanded a re-match. The second time i went a little easy on him but still won. It was a close tie though. 

" You should of let me win" He says, jokingly frowning. We both laugh. 

I sit on the couch and start to play with my phone. Still checking if Liam had tried to contact me. He didn't, I frown. 

" Still nothing form him, huh?" Colton says popping up behind me. 

My head goes into my hands as i nod nod. Colton put one hand on my shoulder for Comfort. I look at him. He apologizes. " Its not your fault" I say. He looks down.

" I know but i hate to see you like this. You look so depressed, Even though a few seconds ago You were fine playing a game with me."

I look at him. My face expression is telling him " I know, but...." But nothing. There was No but's cause there was no Liam. He was gone all hope was lost.

"Savannah?" Colton says. 

I look at him. He doesn't say anything. I look down again but his hands touch my face and he pulls my head up. He starts to lean in and i close my eyes. I knew what was going to  happen next. Colton was going in for a kiss me . And i was going to let him. It felt like forever when my eyes were closed but i could feel him getting closer to my lips as he leaned in. Liam was fading from  my thoughts. Just like he was fading from my life. Colton's lips centimeters away from my lips. Almost touching. I open my eyes. My phone rings suddenly and i back away. Colton falls forward into the couch. I stand up the text was from Liam. He finally texted me.