Chapter #6: Depression
It's something I've been living with for years now and it get worst but some days I can control it and some days I can't and everything falls apart, I fall apart. You ever tried to prove yourself to someone I'm always trying to prove myself to my aunt but nothing is ever good for her. I feel like she doesn't want to see me happy, and because of that I allow it to control my emotions the way I think and it's sucks because I know I don't deserve it but I shut myself low and I don't care. And when I get depressed I feel like I'm better off alone. But in reality I'm not I cry I scream for help I make it known because I want someone to help me to stop me from making the biggest mistake of my life. Which is ending my own life. Am I really better off alone or that's just the enemy?! My ex boyfriend told me he loved me he said I'm not better off alone he's not giving up on me. But I feel like if he gets any closer that he would be afraid to love me anymore, but he's still fighting he's not giving up. And I thought finally found someone I can be myself around and when I get sad I can always count on him to talk to. My aunt doesn't seem to want me to have a social life, she's like she wants me to get A's and B's but I don't make those I do but not in all my classes definitely not math so I don't count on it but I at least need a C. All this stress is making me more depressed and when I need my mother the most she's not here.
Someone once said to me: "Candice why do you allow these people to control the way you feel?" I honestly don't know but it messes me up emotionally, mentally and sometimes physically, I'm not the prettiest I'm not the smartest and I shut myself low. This depression, I can't wait to be at peace I plan to travel, clear my head. I want to be happy, with myself and I wanted to love my ex boyfriend I wanted to be able to marry him and not feel like he's gonna be like everyone else in my life. But those were just fantasy's because love don't exist.
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Behind Closed Doors: The Candice Sanders Story, uncensored
RandomMy name is Candice and this is my story... In this you will read about things I went through and with God by my side I found a way to stay strong, and to have faith not only in myself but also in my God. Things you may read may be too much for you...
