Diana (One Direction)

Maybe

AN: Way late update lol. Thanks for the amazing loyalty for this story:))))) Didn't proof read either, I wanted to get it out for you guys fast.

I wanna reach out for you

I once read a quote from Bronte once. Terror made me cruel. And I've never related to that so much as I did now. I was scared to go back home. At the first tip of happiness I've ever felt so far, it has to be broken down and taken away. 

It has to be gone.

For once in my life, I felt happy. I felt happy and sad and lonely and miserable at the same time. The terror inside me for months has completely taken over me, it made me cruel, sad, and miserable. And it's taken me until now to realize how ridiculous I was acting. 

I should've known that I couldn't "fix" Eddie. I should have known that the feel of freedom I got to have would be gone. I should have known that dad would come back and destroy every inch of happiness I've experienced here.

But, again, that's not how my life goes for me.

I wonder what he would do to me once we got home. He would probably hurt me until I wish that I was actually dead. Until my mind turned as black and blue as the new bruises he has put on my body. And if I tried to leave, more punishments until I couldn't breathe. Sam wouldn't be home for a while, so I couldn't rely on him.

And Niall.

Oh God, Niall. Once I told him what happened with everything last night, he was furious. He wanted to go to court or some kind of authority to get this settled straight. But I wouldn't let him. The last thing I needed on my plate was a court case against my father. As much as I hated his guts, I knew how low our family was on money. The only way Sam got into college was through a football scholarship. We were lucky enough to not have to pay for that.

Dad makes absolutely no income at all, ever since he lost his job at the industry. Sam and I have been living off of money sent from relatives who actually still liked us and from pay that we got through many various after school jobs.

I don't want to live like that again. I don't want to live off of dad's alcohol and cigarettes. And I knew for sure that no one would want to hire some random girl with a background of rehab. No one would. And I would not and could not take any sort of money Niall offers to give me.

I just couldn't live with the guilt that I would be living off of his money when I hardly even knew him.

There was only a limited amount of time left before dad would come and drag me out of this place. I knew that I would obviously have to face saying goodbye to all of the boys, but I wasn't prepared to. Especially Niall. He made me promise to make sure I saw him before I left. Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn't.

I could not bear to say goodbye to him. He felt as the only hope to me actually recovering from the past. 

Sighing, I looked at myself in the mirror of the bathroom I was in. My eyes were bagging and my face looked washed out. My clothes weren't in any better form either. All wrinkled and tear stained. 

Running away would be useless, they would find me somehow. And I had to stop running away from my problems. That never works out. 

I splashed some cold water on my face and dried it off. Taking one last look at my appearance, I walked out of the bathroom. This would probably be the last time I would see that bathroom, possibly this whole hallway. As much as I hate to admit it, I think I loved this place. Even though I have called it many terrible names, I took it for granted.

Anywhere else would be better than back "home". 

I wish the institution would have put up more of a fight against my dad, but I'm guessing they wouldn't like to risk lawsuit. Because I know how much my dad would kill to get money. But it's not like he put me here in the first place, child services did. Apparently it was "the best for my situation". Whatever that is supposed to mean.

I was glad Elaine wasn't in the room when I walked in, I didn't want to explain to her yet of why I was packing my bags. 

I crouched down to retrieve my small duffle bag from under the bed. When I first came here, I was told any unnecessary items would be tossed so I didn't bother bringing much with me. I walked over to the closet, bag in hand, to gather all of my things.

I didn't have much, I guess. Undergarments and a few shirts and pants here and there. I made sure to fold up all of the patient clothing since they weren't actually mine. Finally, when I was done I closed the closet and decided to put on the sweater and pants Niall gave me from the previous night, which seems like so long ago.

As I put the sweater on, I could smell the faint scent of Niall's cologne. Oh God, how I would miss him.

I was also filled with guilt because I thought of him and the others as stuck up celebrities. They were actually nice people faced with the stereotypical labels from the media and people. 

My head started to pound against my head so I sat down on the bed, making sure not to ruin the folded clothes on it. 

Sometimes I like to think about where I would be if I never met Eddie. I still would be in school right now, class president, tutor, and all of that. I would get rides to and from school from my former best friend Mary and after school, we'd go to her house after and do our work together and act like our lives were perfect.

But I'm tired of these cold people who all end up either leaving or lying to me. I was tired of this town full of them. But most of all, I was tired of my mixed emotions...I didn't know what exactly happened to me, to be honest. I knew I was broken and that I was definitely not the same girl before Eddie.

I wish things have ended up differently, maybe I wouldn't be here and maybe I wouldn't have to go through all of this pain again. 

The only good part that came out of this was meeting Niall. He did make an impact on my life, even though I only knew him for a short amount of time. Maybe in the future, I would see him again. Maybe somehow, we'd run into each other. Maybe, like in the fairy tales, he would come back for me and take me away from the evil stepmother and sisters, which, in this case, would be my dad.

And maybe I would let him save me.

He would save me from myself.

Maybe he would save the self destructive girl, who didn't know who she was anymore. The girl who lost herself and couldn't find her. Quite a story that would be, right? 

But I think we all know how that wouldn't happen.

I knew the future probably had in stock for me was to somehow delay when I can legally get the money my mom has left for me and leave this sad town. My life would have been so much different if I had made different choices. Maybe I would've qualified to leave this place before I turned eighteen.

I wanted to become a writer and still do. I liked to write and to read other people's writing. Like I am with you.

But that has all vanished from within my grasp. 

Maybe, somehow, I could find it.

~Xx~

Check out my Luke fanfic, Sheets, if you want. 

Lubb you guys

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