Love at its least .

1

It's hard; I can be blunt about that all right. Life is cruel, unfair, and overall, just a pain in the ass.
All those movies about "happy ever after" feelings aren't even close to reality. They just make us envy how our own lives are failing.

I mean, look at me.

My parents divorced, and my mom would drink up all her sorrows, coming home barely able to stand. She still does it today, and I'm surprised she's lasted from all the shit she's been overdosing with. Yeah Yeah...I know what you're thinking, "how rude!"
But you better know by now that I've only grown to care about my self. No one else. I mean, why bother when the only person left to care about is drowning in bottles of vodka?

I guess I have seen pictures of my mom before her mid-life crisis.She was stunningly gorgeous, like a painting of a goddess brought to life. I would understand why every man would fall head over heels in love with her. She was almost like the women who were expected to be seen on the cover of HomeJournal.

Then again, she was the one who held this family together, but my dad had the guts to ruin it. He ran away with another slut, and is probably living off in some alienated town. Although not literally, he died from my life. He was even selfish enough to take my real mother to the grave, too. It's been three years, and I've tried my damn hardest to stay away. The first time he called after leaving, I had naively picked up the phone and begged him to come back. Mom hadnt come home for days, but I never bothered to tell him. I wanted him to come back becasue he wanted to, not because his guilt and the law forced him to. When he didnt, I spent my days going about, forcing myself to hate him. The only way I could go on with my life was to make sure he was out of it.

Even as a kid, neighbors would always come to our door, after countless events. They knew that I was always alone and before dawn, I know that they could hear my mom swerving into the driveway, drunk. Yelling at everything, including me. Who wouldn't suddenly be alarmed by the constant use of swears and wretched glass-breaking noises? I try my best to avoid her at her weakest times.

Oh who am I kidding? that's every single time.

But through all the meetings from neighbors, I can never get myself to say the truth. I know that if I do, that would be the damn end of it. I don't give a shit about what happens to my mother because if she gets caught, MY life is ruined. The worst that can happen to my mom is she'll be put into a million dollar rehab facility with all the luxuries she could possible have. I'm pretty sure she'd still be able to steal all the drugs she would want for with her body as a sense of payment.
I only care if my mom gets caught because I've heard the stories about going from one foster home to another. I, personally, don't give a shit about the stories I've heard on feeling useless and unwanted because basically, that's my life right now.
And yeah, I've had hopes and dreams that my mom will one day wake up and return sober so she can start taking responsibility as a mother. That was the fucking dumbest idea I've ever had. My only feelings towards her are utter disgust.

I haven't even told you about the real problem, now have I? And yes, you guessed it.
High school, bitches.
Academy of Multicultural Art.

It may sound like I was a rich ass going to a dream private school, but my home life showed everything but that. It was far from an academy, all right?

In my high school, we had metal detectors and random drug searches every week. I remember my first week, we had 4 food fights, one in which the superintendent of the school was in the lunchroom. She even quit the next day. We had some security guards and cops from the town in our school, too. Those idiots would snicker and whistle at the girls, checking us out constantly while making nasty remarks. Gangs. Drugs. Deaths. You name it, and it was there. Our test scores were near the bottom in the state, possibly the country.