Love at its least .

3

I sighed, taking a step closer to the decrepitated entrance of the Academy of Multicultural Art. I looked around, seeing everyone rushing inside to get to their lives like race horses set free of the starting gate. I stood there, faintly hearing the rustling leaves of the trees and the carrion crows whistling a familiar tune as the whole world seemed to quiet down. I try to peer into the hallways of the school by looking through the glass door, but the cold air had created fog, making it difficult. I continued to stand outside in the frigid air and I could feel the cold seep into my body, chilling my bones. I exhaled and watched my breath turn the cold morning air white.

My dad had somehow come back into my life. I was still confused and a week had already passed. Every time he would talk, I would ignore him rudely. I would make myself feel like a stranger in his house, and I could see the hurt flash across his eyes. That's what I wanted to see the most though; I wanted to see him hurt just the way I did, the way I do.

The bell had just rang, and I already knew I was late. I walked calmly past the hallways and into the class.

I tried to avoid all the constant stares as I walked into the classroom, and I plopped at the desk in the far right corner of the room. I kept replaying what had happened over and over in my head when I first saw my father five feet away from me. I knew everyone was staring at me because they knew about my mother and the commotion. I began to think about my father and how he thinks he can just randomly pop into my life, and expect me to welcome him with open arms. I wanted to scream and pull my hair out when I saw him, and tell him everything that he did to me. It took all the strength I could possibly muster to not do so.

"Ms. Hayes? Ms. Hayes, can you read page 104 in the textbook please?" Mr. Campbell asks me as I was shaken from my thoughts.

"Sure."

I felt like dying, my cheeks were burning from the humiliation I was put in and I started reading the page, trying to focus on the words that I barely understood.

I finished reading, and constantly looked at the clock to leave class and ditch school for the rest of the day. I walked out of first period, excusing myself to go to the bathroom, and my eyesight became blurry as I walked and I could feel the cold tears run down my face.

I wasn't crying due to the fact that I couldn't read a page. I was crying because I didn't want my dad to be here, but at the same time, I wanted him to hug me and tell me that he loved me and that he would never leave. I wanted him to tell me most importantly that everything was going to be okay. I dashed into a bathroom stall, and started sobbing my heart out. I couldn't show my father that I was weak in front of him, and I couldn't show him how vulnerable I truly was.
After I knew all my traitor tears were gone, I walked back to the classroom after washing my face and I sat there for the rest of the period in desperate need to be alone. I packed my stuff up and left after the bell rang. I walked to my locker, avoiding Nicole as much as I possibly could. I grabbed my books, slammed the locker shut, and turned around to walk to my father's apartment.

When I got there, I walked past him in the living room, and I knew he tensed up as I walked past him. I went to my room to lie down and before I realized, I'm fast asleep waking up only when my dad knocks on my door. I groan in annoyance and I sit up on my bed. My dad storms in and says, "Honey, do you want to go get something to eat?"

I twist my eyebrows in confusion, fully awake and alert now, "no."

I could feel him fuming and immediately he yelled, "damn it. I'm trying Sum. I'm your father whether you like it or not. I made a mistake. I'm sorry. I don't want to keep trying to act more like you're friend and less like you're father just because I'm afraid to lose you." I could see his shoulders slump in defeat. The last words impacted me, and I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. I got off the bed, put my shoes on, and walked past him. He sighed and followed me out of the building. I walked in front of him as I got into his car, and waited for him. He got in, started the engine, and before changing the gearshift, he looked at me.
"Summer?"
I didn't say anything and turned my head away. He continued to talk.
"Give me a chance. Right now, just give me one chance."
I whispered softly, "I already did. I gave you chances everyday to come and save me, but you left me and mom. I was forced to take care of h-her!" I choked on the last word.

"I didn't leave you; I left your mother. I tried to take you with me, but I didn't know she would do what she did. I didn't either. I thought I did the right thing. I love you Sum; I always have; I always will."

I stared at my phone, waiting for a distraction, but nothing happened. I replayed what he had just said over and over again, and I kept thinking to myself, why do we all want to love in our lives anyway. Maybe it's because that experience makes us feel so completely alive. Every sense is heightened, every emotion is magnified, our reality is shattered, and we are flying in the heavens. It may sometimes only last a moment but that doesn't diminish its value. But why is it that EVERYBODY seems to leave the most important part of love out? Why did NOBODY ever tell me that it would be this hard?

My dad continued to stare at me, hoping for a response. I looked at him, took a deep breath, and answered, "if you loved me, you could've just dealt with her. You would've put my happiness on top of yours."

" I made a mistake. I wasn't thinking."

"Then why did you have to run off with another fucking slut? Was that the mistake? You chose a whore over me."

He tensed under my language and realized that he couldn't do anything about it, he relaxed and answered, "I left with my best friend, Bree, don't you know her?"

"Mom told me about how you left so you could start your life over with another girl."

"I asked her to say it."

"What? Why?"

"I was afraid that you would be hurt by what I did. Just in case, I made sure your mother told you something that would make you hate me so all the pain would turn into hate. Looks to me, you're mother did a pretty damn good job at telling you all this shit."

I put my head down and stared at my phone. Soon enough, the engine started buzzing and we were out of the parking lot, headed to a diner. I didn't speak the rest of the way. All I could think about was what I should do about my father.
More than anything, I wanted to run into his arms, but something kept me from doing so. For some reason, I wanted to do everything but love my father. And that's because I knew about the secret he was holding. I was just waiting for him to give it all up...