Dear Diary,

Letters

Ok so ya I can't read all of that letter until he says I am supposed to........FUCKING GREAT. I like him so much and if he likes me he should just say and if he doesn't like me then he needs to tell me. I just wanna know how he feels...........

He wants me to tell him why I wanted to know so bad........I just wanted to know if he liked me back........then again I can't just say it so we made a deal.........I only read the letter when he tells me he is ready for me too and he only reads the letter about why I wanted to know so bad when I am ready for him to know.

So tomorrow we will both have letters from each other explaining how we feel about each other but we can't read them until we are ready for the other to know. And knowing me he is never going to be able to read it because I both want him to know and don't want him to know.

Other than that everything is doing ok...........mom works still so I have to be home alone a lot but it's fine, school is still piling on the homework, the kids at school still don't talk to me other than Laugh and Love and my dad is still in prison but he called the other day and this weekend mom and I are going to see him for a bit.

Valentines day is in a few weeks so you already see hearts and pink, white, and red everywhere. People at school are asking people about the dance the school is having and love is in the air.............uuggghhhhh.

I don't even know why people do this stuff it is for the couples I know that but the people who are single and want someone it just tortures them and makes them feel like shit. I have no one and I know damn well no one would ever ask me to the dance or like me........not even Grey.....I honestly think he is just sparing my feelings so I don't get hurt which is nice of him but it's not going to work.

I just wish someone would come along and fucking save me from my hell hole of a life so I can be out of here or they could just kill me.......that works too. I just want to see the day where nothing goes wrong.....everything works out ok and nothing goes to hell....................ha what am I saying, never gonna happen.

I have to go so I can finish my homework and write the letter for Grey, hopefully I don't fuck this up in explaining........who am I kidding if he reads what I write he is gonna burn his eyes out and ignore me forever.......but I gotta do it anyways so I will be back sometime later.