Look at the stars

A woman

🚨🚨🚨WARNING: CRUDE LANGUAGE AND ANGST AHEAD!!! TREAD CAREFULLY!!🚨🚨🚨

Spock's POV:
"There's a woman." The words felt flat and I watched his smile fade. Kirk's eyes lost their brightness and his face went blank.

"What?" He croaked numbly. He pulled his hand back from my face as his eyebrows furrowed. His face then returned to the same soft smile it held earlier. "I must've misheard you." He laughed. "You see, I thought you just said there's a woman, but you couldn't have said that." He said with a quiet chuckle. I was about to speak, but he continued. His face took on a smile that wasn't sweet like the soft one that was previously there.

"Because if you had been in a relationship with 'a woman' then that would mean you'd have been cheating on her and stringing me along." He said in a tone that sounded joking, though it was obvious he wasn't. "How silly would it have been for me to think that." The false smile faltered for half a second to show an expression that was anticipating. "Now tell me, Spock. What is it that you just said?" He placed his hand back on my chest.

I sighed. I knew it had been wrong of me to feel towards him, to continue to stay with him when I knew I was promised to T'Pring, but every second he was with me he was all that was on my mind. I only thought of T'Pring when I thought of all the complications in my relationship with Kirk.

"There is a woman." I said quietly. He looked away from me, retracting his hand from my chest. "But, Jim I-"

"What's her name?" His voice was quiet and broken.

"Jim, Please-" I didn't know what I was asking him, but I knew I was begging.

"What. Is. Her. Name." He glared up at me with tears in his eyes, dusting his hand in my shirt. "Y'know what?" He pulled his hand away from my chest and took a step back. "Forget it." He waved his hands dismissively. "Just fucking forget it." He continued, walking away.

He walked to I'Chaya and pulled himself up.

"Jim-"

"I want to go hom- back to the house." He says this without looking at me. When he stopped himself from calling my house his home my heart stopped. He had called it home a few times and I hadn't realized how much I loved the thought of it being his home until he wanted nothing to do with it.

"James, please talk to me." I begged trying to move so he would look at me, he wouldn't.

"If you won't take me, I'll walk back myself." He stated it truthfully, but to me it seemed a threat. A threat to his wellbeing and safety.

"My apologies, I will bring you." I replied immediately. The anger on his face faltered for a second before returning stronger, more pained. It broke my heart to know I was causing him pain. I climbed onto I'Chaya's back and patted his side. He began to walk and we sat in silence. I stared at I'Chaya, not daring to look anywhere else.

"Jim if you would only listen to me, please-"

"I don't-" He paused to take a deep breath. "I don't want to hear it."

"Jim, please." I begged. "I must-" he cut me off.

"Please refrain from any further attempts of communication for the duration of the ride to our current living arrangements."  His voice was so cold, so sharp... So Vulcan.

The silence was torturous, the lack of sound was deafening. The silent ace arms of every word either of us could be saying was burning into my ears.

"I love you." My voice cracked as I forced myself to look forward still. I heard Jim huff from behind me.

"Okay."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My mind went blank. I'Chaya kept moving, but I was paying no attention to where. I don't know how much time passed until I heard Jim shout my name. It startled me.

"I'm sorry it seems I became lost in my thoughts." I apologized.

"Well we better not be lost out here." He gestured vaguely around us. I sat silently, looking around at our unfamiliar surroundings. "Spock, we aren't lost are we?" He asked now sounding worried.

"I- I am unsure." I answered honestly. "I'Chaya, stop." I'Chaya stopped immediately.

"Ugh! This is so typical!" He shouted angrily. "We would get lost out here." He continued. "I want to be alone one time and I get stuck with you!" He shouted throwing his arms in the air in exasperation.

"You are going to have to put your feelings towards me aside." I said, hopping off of I'Chaya's back. I held my hand out to carry him down, but he ignored me, hopping off on his own.

"Put my feelings aside?" He practically growled. His eyes then widened and his expression became angrier than I had previously thought possible. "You did this on purpose, didn't you?!" He accused.

"Why would I purposely make it more difficult to get back?" I asked in confusion.

"You got us lost, just so I'd talk to you!" He jabbed me in the chest as he said this.

"I did no such thing." I replied immediately. I then pushed his hand away from where it sat, pointing threateningly. "Your irrational assumption that I would stoop as low as to put not only myself, but you and I'Chaya in danger is disgusting." I glared at him.

"Oh, I am so sorry that I see irrational to you, but I seem to be in very trusting mood right." He practically spat.

"The sun is setting and I highly doubt we will make it back but sundown. The sun is up and we don't know where we are, risking getting our selves even more lost by attempting to search at night is illogical. So our next option is to find place to stay the night." I continued. "We are going to have to set up camp here, because to my knowledge there aren't any villages near by." I stopped.

"So what are we supposed to do?" He asked in annoyance.

"Start a fire."