Whatever Chains (Sequel to Where Your Heart is - A Harry Styles fanfiction)

Part Thirty-One: But you're making me bleed.

I am finally starting to slip away, letting the sound of the waves crashing against the shore rock me into a deep sleep.

It is a cool night, thank goodness, and the fully opened windows let the ocean breeze in, fanning across my bare back and arms.

Everything is so quiet and still, even my head seems to be falling silent for the first time in weeks.

Not that it was a bad thing, though. All those thoughts and emotions helped me write enough material for the next thirty albums, if I ever want to release that many.

But now that this part of the process is almost done, once the demons in my head have been properly cast away and trapped into song lyrics, where they were reassured they would live forever on, there is nothing on my mind but the silence I was yearning for.

I'm drifting, aimlessly and weightless, right into the soothing darkness, when my phone vibrates on the night stand with a seemingly loud noise that makes my heart jump, forcing my body to do the same.

It takes me a few seconds to steady my startled pulse, as I try to decide if I should look at my phone or leave it for the next morning.

Almost every part of me tells me to ignore it, to let it go and focus back on the silence, so I can finay fall asleep. But there's a certain feeling settled on my chest that is nagging me to do the opposite.

I growl and I blindly grope my way to the phone, only lifting my head up from the pillow once I have it in my hand and close to my face.

The glow of the screen dazzles me for a second, forcing my eyes to squint in order to adjust to the invading glare.

Her name flashes before me, and I stare at it for a full minute before daring to slide it open.

Hi.

"Hi." I mutter to myself, and it sounds more like I am saying it back rather than reading the word aloud.

I am about to reply, when the dots start to flicker on my screen, so I just wait for whatever she's writing to come up.

I stifle a nervous chuckle when the dots stop and then reappear for at least four times before the message finally arrives; and I can't help but picture her biting her lip and cursing at herself whenever she deletes what she wrote.

I know you said we would talk whenever you're ready, and I respect that... but I could really use a chat right now. We can talk about anything you want. I just need to hear your voice. Call me, please?

I am way too sleepy for this, so I have no idea what to think, let alone respond; and since I don't want her to see the intermittent dots on her screen, I make sure to carefully weight every word I am going to write before I even start tipping.

A few minutes pass by before I put my fingers to work.

Hi. What's wrong? Did something happen at school?

Yes. It took me almost five minutes to come up with that. And considering that I've written songs in that same window of time - granted, with some help, - you can realize how time and distance did absolutely nothing when it comes to her messing with my mind, and my power of speech.

It's not like I don't want to talk to her. It's just that I wouldn't know what to say, or how to say it.

No... not really.

I know her so bloody well, I can read a whole lot more into those ellipsis than she apparently gives me credit for. Or maybe she knows exactly what she's doing, and she's laying down the bait for me.

And the sudden itch at the tip of my fingers, which are now hovering over the call button, lets me know that I just took a giant bite at it.

"Hi..."

Her voice catches me ridiculously off guard, the fact being that I am the one calling her, and I jolt into a sitting position the second that I hear her.

"Hi." I repeat, feeling like a complete dumbass.

We haven't talked since I left her apartment that night, but we exchanged a few texts and emails over the course of this past month that would keep us in the loop with everything that is going on in our lives, although rather narrowly.

She knows that I am working on my new music, but she doesn't know where I am. And I know that today was her first day back at school.

"Harry..." She says when a few seconds go by and I can't seem to get a single word out of me. "I can hear your breathing, you know?"

The effort she's making to sound casual and distended, when her voice is clearly on edge because of my silence, makes my heart shrink ten sizes, at least.

"Sorry..." I pretend to clear my throat, and I jump out of the bed to walk out to  the balcony where I expect the fresh, salty air, would bring me some calm. "I'm here. What's up?"

It is so tragic, the way we both struggle to sound unaffected, it almost seems comical. But neither of us is laughing.

"Nothing much, just wanted to check up on you. See how things are going."

I let out a short snort, breathing in the cool air as it works its cleansing magic on me.

"Lea, you may hear me breathing, but I can hear you thinking." I say, and now I am stepping down onto the sand, feeling how it slips between my toes as I walk closer to the ocean. "How bad was it?"

A long sigh reaches my ear, straight out of her mouth, and I can't help but shudder at the memory of her breath against my skin whenever she would whisper something to me.

"Either I am sadly obvious, or you know me too bloody well." She says, and I can picture her eyes rolling in cute annoyance.

I laugh surprisingly cheerful, shrugging as if she could actually see me.

"Lets just say is a bit of both, shall we?"

How easily everything seems to fade when I listen to her voice. The distance, the confusion, the unresolved issues. Nothing seems to have meaning or any reason to be, whatsoever. It is only her and I, talking to each other like any other day.

She walks me through her day, sparing me no details, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Until she gets to the end, telling me how she's getting ready to meet him for dinner.

And the same crushing, stale silence, falls right back on my head, swallowing me whole.

"Harry?" She says, and I can hear her tuning the key inside the lock. "Are you..."

"I guess you're not that obvious after all." I bite out, downing the sudden bitterness rising from my stomach. "Because I definitely did not see that one coming."