When Reality Steps In (New)

I wonder

( picture of Irvin ) looks happy doesn't he...

Zyla's POV

I toss and I turn waking my self up from a blank dream that was too short for me to remember.

I look over my phone... 1:02 it reads. i toke a shower just because I felt weird . I try to find my shaving cream and instead I find my blade.. I run my finger slowly at the sharp point . I look in the mirror studying my every flaw .

I got in the shower and start to cut vertical on my arms as I sit in the tub and the hot burning shower runs on my back and hair. I had no feeling during this time. It burned but not enough for me to stop . I wash my body as the chemicals of soap and hair shampoo plus conditioner stung my left forearm . I get out and get dress without drying my self .

I lay my self down on my bed, with wet clothes. I'm getting a new bed today.. I thought to myself.

I begin to just cry for no reason., or maybe I had my reasons to brake down.

I just hug my self and sob quietly.

Before I knew it I woke up to my mothers echoing voice

"Your not yup yet.?!"

I turn over and dreadfully stand up out of bed . My body kept screaming 'no Zyla go back to sleep now just miss today it's not worth it'

I forcefully and painfully drag myself out of bed and put on my clothes , which include a link sleeve for the reasoning of the 2am shower.

I check my phone and nothing .. Irvin ran off yesterday and left his phone behind at his moms . I don't know where he was or what he was doing . I know sometimes depressed people just do whatever they want .

I can admit it getting hard we both are falling to a deep depression we both are struggling but , but he is the one that is falling deeper every second . I wish I could just pull him up and shoot him out this never ending drowning some call depression.

Thinking away as I get out of the car and walk into this prison people call a school.

I walk through the metal dictators and as always they beep.

I see Irvin.. I slide my shoes off slowly and place my belt on the table preparing them for a daily search.

I walk past Irvin but he grabs my wrest tightly I look at him as my eyes get watery. I wonder, how could he just run off doing god knows what and just not text me or call me to say his busy . But no he text me like nothing's happening and out of nowhere he doesn't reply .

He gives me a look I know to well it's the 'come here' look I snatch my arm from his grip tears slowly begin to fall as I drop my head .

The lady searches me and I move through, I snuck in gum and my gages as always.

I go in my classroom and stay completely put and quiet as I chew my chum and put on my gages.

"You okay Zyla.?" Mrs. Owen asks me.

"Yeah I'm okay" I bit a part on the inside of my mouth to smile .

Irvin walks in and as always plays his connect four with Adrain .

"Can we talk" I whisper lowly to him.

"No" he shoots back making his move on the game

Adrain sees me getting tensed he give me a look and takes his breakfast and walks away respectfully .

"Look you can't keep leaving and not tell me , I be worried sick about you" I say holding my tears back. Irvin's face turns to sorrow

"You snatched your hand from me this morning"

"You can't keep pretending like nothing's wrong" I couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth I begin to cry , yup reality was crashing down on me in the worst place and time ever.

Irvin says nothing he gets up and walks away with his head down and his eyes glued almost shut.

I step out of class and begin to cry .

Ms Owen follow me clearly seeing my hurt

She hugs me " I know it's hurts he will come around you just have to wait you can't force people to talk I now this because my boyfriends the same way it's gunna be okay , you know how you don't like people asking you what's wrong Irvin's the same way" she says Ms Owen was 24 she just got out of college with her math degree she was a very intelligent women I admire.

I sob some more and calm down as Ms. Owen talks to me about her and her boyfriend .

I felt Irvin's presents he walks into the classroom . I look at Ms Owens eyes and they follow him walk.

"My thing is this it's gunna be hard regardless I'm not saying it's easy or that you shouldn't care but you need to wait until his ready to open up just like you were just last night my boyfriend did the same" she says moving her hands making her words more powerful to me.

I whip my tears and she hugs me as I walk back into class .

As always Irvin playing connect four with Adrain.

I walk to the second desk Ms. Owen let's me use

I put my head down as I take a light nap.

I was awoken by a presents warm and big ...

"I'm sorry babe I shouldn't be doing that I love you it's my fault" Irvin says placing himself on the desk In front of me and holding both my hands

"It's okay I shouldn't be forcing you to talk" I say smiling, for real this time .

"Stop saying it's okay I'm gunna make it up to you" he says making me stand up and pulling me to a tight and soothing hug.

We make up as always and spend the rest of our day stuck together like conjoined twins .

When I got home Irvin was texting me and saying he was sorry and thanking me for never leaving him. I found my new bed sitting in my room, this meant I had to sleep beside my 22 year old sister.... Great

I put on Irvin's sweater and watch Netflix , American Horror Story of course.

I wonder, oh how I wonder what the future will be like with him and I wonder what will come father in my story...