When Reality Steps In (New)

Imagination suicide

Ashamed .

I make sure everyone is outside the house , either gone working or out with people they label as 'friends'.

I make sure my phone is fully charged.

I play pandora , station of the not very popular artist known as Russ.

I look at my few messages and snapchats. Reply to them all, only like 3-5 people really.

I reply as if , well as if nothing is about to happen and as if I am an average 15 year old texting and snapchating her life away. Unaware of reality .

I fill the bathtub of hot water, steaming almost.

I get in with my clothes, because...

I am ashamed . Of my unwell shaped body .

I am ashamed . Of my ugly scars .

I am ashamed . Of myself .

I grab the pair of salon scissors. They are my moms . She is a stylist.

I wipe it with water .

I apply it to my skin and slowly start to drag it.

Then thoughts and memories run through my head as if there were a marathon.

I drag it faster and faster.

Eventually cutting vertical.

Then I stab myself repeatedly in my arm.

I move to my leg as the bath starts to vibrate with the color red.

I stab and stab and stab.

Then I feel a stinging pain and I drop the sharp metal.

I hug myself tracing the wounds I have just created.

I feel the pain. It burns . It hurts like hell....

I said hell. Funny. I will be there in a couple hours. Maybe.

I squeeze around the wound causing more books to flow out.

I clench my eyes take a deep breath as another tear struggles to fall.

It falls on the non moving water . Ripples immediately follow.

Ever heard of the ripple effect.?

If not. It's when something really bad or good happens and so many things start to happen because of that one event .

That's my definition at least.

_____

I shake my head snapping out of my imagination.

Reality sets in .

I'm laying on my bed looking at the ceiling .

I toss over and cover my body as I curl up and shut my eyes.