Nothing Survives Without The Rain

Voice In The Mirror

You're so ugly and fat.
The voice says
As I look in the mirror.

I know.
I think
As I work myself
To the breaking point.

Why do you look the way you do?
The voice asks me
As I look in the mirror.

I don't know.
I think
As I make myself throw up
All that I'd eaten.

You'd be better off dead.
The voice sneers
As I look in the mirror.

I know.
I think
As I drag the silver knife
Across my body.

Why don't you just disappear?
The voice asked
As I look in the mirror.

I don't know.
I think
As I search my face,
Looking for some hint of the old me.

Why don't you know?
The voice viciously asked
As I look in the mirror.

I'm not sure.
I think
As I furrowed my eyebrows,
Thinking of times past.

You're really worthless you know.
The voice commented
As I look in the mirror.

Am I?
I thought,
Listing my head,
Feeling the hair slide over my shoulder.

Yes, you really are.
The voice scoffed
As I look in the mirror.

Are you sure?
I thought,
Reaching out to my reflection,
Trying to reach myself.

Yeah, you're just a waist of space.
The voice hitched
As I look in the mirror.

Oh.
I thought
As I traced my eyes along
All my old scars.

It that all our have to say?
The voice asked
As I looked in the mirror.

Yes. I've been told that many times.
I thought
As I caressed my stomach,
And felt my ribs.

You're nothing.
The voice said
As I looked in the mirror.

I know.
But I wish I was something.
Something to someone
Out there in the big world.
I thought,
As I looked away from the mirror,
Towards the window.

You'll never be anything to anyone.
The voice hit,
As I looked back to the mirror.

I hope that's not true.
I thought,
Noticing the dark circles
Hiding under my eyes.

Oh, it's true.
The voice sneered,
As I look in the mirror.

No, it's not.
I thought,
Turning away from the mirror,
And closed the bathroom door.

I'm done with this.
I want my old self back.
I don't want all this badness in my life.
I said aloud
As I walked out of my room,
Down the stairs,
And out into the world,
Silencing that voice.

That voice in the mirror.