Evanescent

1

The wind blew softly in the depths of an August morning. The trains sat stationary along the tracks that were yet to be spoiled by the bitterness that encompassed them. Voices were seldom there and far apart, the distance between them not veiling the underlying resentment of their tone. The mass of anxious whispers and barely covered frowns created an illusion of perfection in the midst of the chaos. Hushed screams and downplayed tears rolled down the cracks of the glass floors, always forgotten during the rush of the day.

Audelia was never used to the mess that suffocated her whenever she'd make her way to the station, the reckless nature too close to a home she wished she could remember. She made her steps as slow as she could, hanging onto the sense of dread that seemed to bite at her heels. She felt her hands clasp in front of her, a silent prayer that her cherry hair hanging loosely down her back and the slightest crinkles in her white coat would be unnoticed in the summer haze. She hated how she could keep her chin trained to the ground and shoulders slouched, yet people still couldn't help but stare at the striking strands of red that flew behind her. She had done everything she could throughout her life to conform to what those around her wanted her to be. She'd wake up every morning, ignoring the sense of loss as she did, and make her way through the dullest of days with an indifferent attitude. The city never seemed to forgive her for how she was made though, her bright hair and emerald eyes enough for the world to shun every move she made, even when she had the best intentions. The days had grown colder and colder the longer she was forced to hold onto the last bit of herself she could remember to keep, the rest of her being lost as each day reset.

As she made her way through the crowd of strangers she pushed away the sickly feeling of deja vu that overwhelmed her with every face she saw. The swipers stood proud as they always had, sticking up from the crystalline ground as lines formed beyond them, everyone in a hurry to catch their own escape. She rummaged through her pockets, the jumble of papers and pencils comforting as her fingers gripped her key to society. She steadily slipped the card into her palm, the surface of it smooth and cold along the burning warmth of her hand. The card felt heavy as she slowly stepped forward, preparing to slide it through the swiper, preparing for another day to start. She closed her eyes as her hand instinctively went and slid the card through the machine in one fluid motion. She was reminded of what she had left to remember, the day when this card was first placed in the center of her hand as her wide eyes beamed with innocence. Her last memory stood out vividly in between the shades of white, the day that she'd grown to regret was all she had left. As the swiper beeped, telling her to move ahead, she was brought out of the tiny fragments of her past and was forced to look ahead to the trains that would take her to her future.

Taking one of the seats that sat next the fifth door down from the front was something she'd grown accustomed too, the instinct one of the few things that stayed consistent in her ever changing life. The seats were as rigid as the heap of people that crowded around her, the tile sending a series of chills down her spine. She wished she could learn to get used to the way the bones of her back knocked against the chair with every wrong move, or how she fidgeted with the hem of her coat in hopes that she could distract her wandering mind. She felt uncomfortable as she sat drowning in blank eyes and pin straight hair, the need to breath overcoming her. The woman that was pressed against her shoulder shared the most fleeting eye contact, her own golden hair pulled into the tightest bun she had ever seen. Her eyes were clouded with disgust as she sharply turned her head away, the sneer edged in the girl's brain. She shook her head, letting the strands of red lap at her flushed cheeks letting the interaction set in. She never understood how people could seemingly judge her so quickly, her outspoken nature a result of years of being groomed, yet her fiery looks a mistake she would always hate herself for. She let her eyes rest again on the floor, keeping the snide remark to herself as the landscape flew by in a silent blur, the disarray of colors oddly satisfying in a world where everything was black and white. As the time passed by agonizingly slow she felt people come and go, only to be replaced by someone duller and sharper, every second a new person to look and see the girl with the bright hair slouching in the corner. When she felt the women next to her move to leave an internal sigh of relief escaped her as her eyes finally looked at something other than the surface of the ground. She let her head fall back, the relaxed position something she'd never let herself experience, yet she couldn't bring herself to care as only a few wandering people still stood on the train, the upsides to being the absolute last stop. She never could let her guard down in ordinary circumstances, letting her guard down meant letting herself stand out more than she already did and that came with more problems than she ever would care to admit.