Indecisive

D-ivided Attention

Ha so you remember my being shy and introverted? Oh yeah that was definitely a thing. Especially around Max. I had a little crush on him before knowing what a crush was. Have you ever met someone and just instantly become infatuated with their presence? Well, that was me. But I'd be insane to actually talk to him. I didn't know why, at the time, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Honestly, it could probably just been the red hair I was obsessed with. Haha probs.  But what took me so long to understand was why was it that I could talk to any person you put in front of me besides Max? What made him so special? I just did not understand. 

Anyway, in my elementary school days I've had every kind of friend you could think of, and I lost myself trying to keep up with the status quo and trying to please all of them. I honestly didn't know who I was. I was literally everything but myself with every person I talked to. My mom and sister also forced me to often be friends with people that I didn't want to be friends with. However, I wanted everyone to like me, and I would adapt to their style in order to make that happen. It really screwed me up as a person and if I never moved in fifth grade, I think I would still be the same way.  So basically, I was the most fake person you'd ever meet. Haha, I'm sorry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

I mean I wasn't completely fake. There were some people that I was actually myself with.  Like  Lilly from Lancaster and my best friend, Jacob. They were my favorite people of all time. So was Chis, my friend that was mute to everyone besides me (which made me feel special if I do say so myself). I honestly don't get why he trusted me so much. Well, I was also a lot nicer then than I am now. High School messed me up. But it was nice knowing that someone was so comfortable to be around me. However, I haven't seen him since fifth grade  and my mom just told me recently that he has or had cancer. Which tore me apart. I still haven't see him. I don't know if he's alright. I don't know if he's alive and it sucks.  But I'm fine. It's fine. 

So, North Stone wasn't too terrible. Ha, thanks Maxwell for your presence always being distraction for me and never knowing about it . Oh well, it gave me another reason to go to school and, more importantly, another reason for me to fight my mom when she comes to pick me up early. But ever since, I could never give anything my full, undivided attention.  Thank- you for that (which is also sarcasm ha ಠ‿↼ ).