Indecisive

C-ale

     Haha so, super fun fact: young Kimberly thought that a vegan and a virgin were the same thing. So she went up to her mom and said, "Oh mom I know what a virgin is."
And she looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Really? What is it?"
"Someone that doesn't eat meat or byproducts from animals."
Yeah I was wrong, haha but she didn't tell me that. Thanks because that saved us from an awkward conversation at a young age.
     Anyway, through out this whole time I've been living with my mom and stepdad. My dad was a dead beat. He showed up to one of my softball games one time and I didn't know who he was until Mom told me. He's a fun person and he's funny but his ways I'm not too fond of. But I'm not too fond of my stepdad either but it's whatever honestly. I'm stuck with him.
Anyway besides that, I was addicted to friends. They were all so funny and I just never got bored of them. I feel like I really started to figure myself out. But there were also those times were I'd try to fit in. Like I didn't have a boyfriend, or I didn't have the newest iPhone, or I hadn't had my period yet. I don't get why people make periods such a huge deal. I remember when my sister started my mom was so excited and yelled, "YOU'RE BECOMING A YOUNG WOMAN!" If I knew "becoming a young woman" consist of having random mood swings, a sore back for two weeks, nausea, the feeling that something is piercing one of my ovaries, fatigue, having my boobs inflate two cup sizes to the point it hurts if I poke them, in taking an entire bottle of ibuprofen and it still not helping, or bleeding for anywhere between 3-7 days to the point my vagina is legitimately sore, and then getting made fun of because of it, I wouldn't have been in any rush to "become a young woman." Haha but having to discreetly fix your dick in public is so bad. Oh well, I didn't start until the day after my 14th birthday which is when I started to question my existence.
Enough of that, guys just didn't like me. I don't know why I couldn't make peace with that. But I started liking this guy named Cale. Who didn't like me but didn't want to hurt me. I mean we were really good friends but I would have been fine. It was after I thought he felt the same way I did that screwed me up. Mom also found out and told me I had to end things which tore me apart. But then I made a big deal so he said we didn't have to and stretched it out for so long. So long as in 3 months but still. You know how you can feel someone loosing interest in you. It was like that but he was never interested in the first place. He was the first guy that held my hand and that's pretty much it. We never saw each other outside of school and our "relationship" consisted of us giving side hugs at the end of the day and that is it. He wasn't even the one that broke up with me. He got Robin (who is his ex but also my friend) to tell me he wasn't interested anymore but ironically I was going to talk to Robin about us anyway because I thought I was starting to like someone else. Me and Cale are actually pretty great friends today but when I think about that, I'm still like "Fuck you :)."