One Of The Girls

Chapter 11: Josh

​I've always been an insecure person.

​I was gawky when I was younger. I was honestly really unfortunate looking, and I didn't have a lot of friends. Not that the two are related, but they might as well have been. I didn't know what to wear, and I didn't know how to act around people. When I think of how I was in middle school, my stomach gets kind of queasy. Bee was actually my only friend for a while until I met Drew and Noah. Thank god for them. She went to a different middle school out of district. Her parents wanted her to go because of how great the softball program was there, and they were right to send her there because she improved a lot.

​Middle school sucked for me. I'm a tall skinny guy, and I'm not the toughest kid either, so I was an easy target for bullies. While Bee was excelling at her middle school, I felt like I was drowning. I got my braces off, though, and I started playing basketball around 8th grade. Once I figured out I was good at it, people started liking me. I got even better, and I even made a lot of friends on the team that ended up going to the same high school as me. I don't hang out with them a lot outside of basketball, but it helps having people I know in my classes and at lunch.

​Looking in the mirror now, I like myself a lot more. I take a lot of pride in how I dress, too. I still see some semblance of who I used to be, but I like the changes I made. If one thing bothers me the most, it's that I'm too thin. My brother, Gabe, he's a thick guy. He's like a rhino. I look like I'll blow over in the wind, and I look like a bean pole next to him. Gabe, though, he's cool. He was invited to every party in high school. He was Prom King; he was Linebacker on the varsity football team. He was Salutatorian. He's always listening to the next chart-topping single before anyone else has even heard it. It's like he just knows what's cool and what's not. Things come naturally to him it seems, whereas I always have to try hard to get the things I want. Appearance is something I learned to care about through Gabe. He started taking me to get clothes when he got his car, and he picked stuff out for me. I never cared before, but then I realized that dressing nice made me feel nice. It's good to leave the house feeling good because then your day just starts out better.

I'm always trying to gain some type of weight, but it never works. It makes gaining definition in my muscles really easy, and it's what I owe my meager abs to, I suppose. I guess I shouldn't complain, but I can't help but feel insecure when my wrists are so thin that the average men's watch slides around on my arm.

​I shift a little as I button my shirt up over my skinny body. Glad that it's covered, I lean forward in the mirror and run some product through my hair. It's a bit wavy on top, and if I don't put product in it, I have to wear a hat. This straightens it out enough for the brown waves to not be frizzy. My hair is long enough in the front to touch my eyebrows. I tug a strand down to test the length, and as I do, I see my eyes. They're one thing I can always count on being confident about. My eyes are crystal clear blue and I've gotten compliments on them all my life.

​Stepping back, I like what I see. When I've got my clothes on, I look average shaped. I'm an average guy. I don't stand out too much. I always feel that I am just the typecast every-guy character. I'm so normal.

​I know what it's like to be insecure and to want to change, so maybe I shouldn't be mad at Bee for doing just that. I'm no different.

​I guess I just thought she was pretty before all of this, and it's different now that more people know.

​Today, I'm going over to Bee's to help her with her AP Calculus homework. I told Jenna I was doing it, to make sure she wouldn't get mad. She didn't seem super happy, but she knows that my hanging out with Bee is inevitable anyways.

​I grab my backpack and make sure my calculator is in it. I look over to Bee's window, and there she is. She waves, and I give her a thumbs up then head downstairs and out the door to her house.