It will never be okay.

Umm.. Okay?

I woke up in a white room. 

When I say white, I do mean white, like EVERYTHING in there was white...

As I looked around, I saw a few seats at the back and a chair positioned next to the bed that I was on. I immediately recognized the place. It was a hospital room. I had seen enough of those in my lifetime. 

Just thinking about it made tears spring to my eyes.

I pushed my feelings aside and tried to remember why I was in here and how I got here. After a few minutes I remembered the happenings of... Whenever it happened. As I was drawn into thoughts of why my father was acting the way he was, but I didn'tget too far in that when the door suddenly opened, just to show a doctor walk into my room followed by my father, whom both seemed to be in a deep conversation. They lingered in the doorway for a minute discussing something in low voices, when suddenly my father stepped away in in was brought a hospital bed with a boy about my age, in a deep sleep lying on it. 

Okay, this is getting super confusing.. I tried to sit up and I think my dad realized this since he ran to my side and helped me as the really (when I say really, I do mean REALLY) good-looking doctor strolled in behind him. My father cupped my cheeks and looked me in the eyes with nothing but concern, worry, and sympathy.

"Honey? Honey are you okay? Jesus, I was so worried!" Okay.. You know how I said this was getting confusing? Yeah? Okay, now it was just really confusing, awkward, and weird... Normally, my dad would only be happy I was in a hospital, and when I came home, he would say something like "Ugh, this is so unfair.. Couldn't you just die?" Yeah... That's how it works... Or worked, I don't even know.

I pulled away and sat up the rest of the way myself, looking at my father like he had 3 heads. "I'm fine". I think the doctor knew that nothing else would be said as he outstretched his really pale hand towards me.

"Hi! My name is Doctor Winters. You can just call me Alex though!" Okay... He's extremely good-looking and sweet and bubbly! I think I'm in love! 

"Umm.. Hi Alex. So, what happened to me?" I was curious, but not concerned, as I said, I have been in hospitals alot of times before. It was surely something I could live through. 

"Oh! Of course!" He quickly checked the clipboard he was holding. "You, young lady, are here because of seviere blood loss." He answered, suddenly turning really serious. When I finally caught up with his words and came to my senses I realized what he might be talking about, and sure enough, when I looked down at my wrists, they were wrapped in bandages. 

"Shit" I whispered. 'Shit'  Wasn't even close to describing it. It was kind of a relief, KIND OF. On the other hand, this meant that I would still be tortured by my father which made it worse by alot.

"What were you thinking?" My father asked me with a pained and tortured look in his eyes. It wasn't until I realized what he had said that I felt a look of disgust and hatred appear on my face.

"What do you mean, 'what were you thinking'? Are you being serious?! You know exactly why I did what I did!" I shouted. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! Why am I so fucking stupid?! He isn't going to let this go! This will get me into an even worse beating! My subconcience shouted at me. You see, I wasn't even allowed to talk back to my father or anyone else, doing that would get me into many more problems than I already was in. 

"Don't raise your voice at me you little bitch! I told you to never speak back to me!" I could see the anger in his eyes and I knew I was in alot of trouble. SHIT! His words made me flinch, but I was never going to show fear, or sadness. This was going to lead him on even more.