about...... some dude

2:17 am

i wrote this as a final bit to a poem/confession i wrote, so thats why you'll read something like "its a long list" or whatever. not sure if i should upload that poem/confession here tho, i just felt like sharing this particular part first. 

Im sick. I feel really sick. Nothing even happened to make me feel like this but I feel it anyway. I feel it so much it physically hurts my heart and my hands. I'm trying so hard to grow up, and the process is painfully slow. A few years ago I lost myself. I lost love. I lost my religion. I'm slowly finding those things again. Once I do, the hard part is not losing them again. 

This is just most of everything I'm afraid of. There's still a bit more I can add but its a long list as it is. And this long list will one day fade, because I know I will too. I am stuck. I am stuck with my happiness. I am stuck with my sadness. I am stuck with this awful feeling in my stomach that i wish i could muster up the strength to beat out of myself. I am stuck in my own life until the end of it. A bittersweet notion, but oddly comforting regardless.

We're all lost. We're all stuck here. Happiness is temporary. Pain is temporary. We are temporary. I say "we" because I know whoever is reading has felt at least some of the things I wrote here. We're all stuck. In our own heads; in our own bodies; with each other. All of us have some growing up to do, but only when each of us - you, I - want to.