Save Me?

Four.

2nd, December, 2016 
New York 
7:45 a.m.

Location: LaGuardia High School for Performing Arts.

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Walking into the building of my high school, I held tightly unto the straps of my book bag bringing it impossibly closer to my back. Looking around the crowded hallways that were filled with students and teachers, I walked slowly and nervously down the hall. Bumping my way through the sea of students, I had this feeling that all eyes were on me, and I could hear the slight whispers of gossip coming from my peers. 

Slightly tugging at the soft material of the the big baggy T-shirt I was wearing, I pulled it further away from my body trying my best to hide my growing stomach. Speeding up my pace, I hurried to my locker, staying unseen and unnoticed by anyone.

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Today was my last day attending school, because I with-child. Two weeks ago the principal was informed about my pregnancy, and I was called to his office. I was asked multiple questions by a social worker about my pregnancy, with the presence of two police officers. Question's like, was I raped or if there is anything happening within my household and if I knew who my child's father was.  

I denied any accusations made, and never revealed who the father of my child was, just so I could keep Tony safe. I loved him too much to lose him to the system plus the sex was consensual, he didn't force me to do anything I didn't want to do. I do not care about any of that legal shit, I really do think they should change that though, because consent is consent, it is a choice.

The social worker told me that they would make a visit to my mother's house and then take further actions if necessary, but I haven't heard anything since then, so I guess my mother kept everything under wraps.

I was told by the principal  that I could not continue to attend school while I was pregnant because it would be a negative influence on other female students. He gave me the date for my last day attending and he also told me that I can continue my education at this institution if I  wish to, after giving birth. To be honest, i'm a little relieved that today is my last day, and that I wouldn't have to return for the time being because, everything is becoming a bit overwhelming. 

My whole life has changed in the space of three and a half months. I'm still trying to get accustomed the changes being made whether it was a change in my body or a change in the way I was living. 

I have come to the realization that being a mother or even an adult isn't an easy task, it's not as easy as what I had imagined it be. I know that i'm not an adult legally, yet, but because of the path I chose to take i'm now classified as an adult. I have to now put away all my childish ways and concentrate on the human being, being formed in my womb.

I don't  regret conceiving my child, i'm actually already in-love with my bundle of joy, I just think that  I should've waited. I wish that I had waited until i'm older, more mature, mentally and physically ready to raise a child. I should have waited until I was financially stable to provide for my child and provide him/her with the best life possible. But I can't dwell in the past, I made my bed and now I have to lay in it.   

Tony has been doing his part, I cannot complain and I am very thankful for him, but  I was raised with the mentality to never depend on a man for anything, and that's exactly what I am doing now. Depending on Tony. I want to be able to provide for my child also, and give him/her anything needed. To be the provider for my child, my next step is to find a job. 

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"Recruitment and Orientation. This is the topic we will be moving on to in our next class, But since we have fifteen minutes left, lets begin to go through it." Ms. Fabian said to the class, as slight remarks and groans could be heard through out the room.