That's One Big Tail!

Mark's Cousin

After the incident with Mark, I was life FUCK THAT!!!! You really think I want any part of that inside me? Hell to the no. Praise lord Jesus I didn't need to go through with that. After I rejected him and his... Un-human like traits, he recommended his cousin, who wasn't as terrifying. All I need to know is if its true. I searched the guys Facebook up, and he seems like a pretty good, normal guy. Also, Mark didn't. Mark was a little bitch, but we're past that now.

The cousin's name was Fred, short for Alfredo. Fred volunteered at many children hospitals, spent every first Sunday brunch with his mother at a little cafe his uncle ran, took his little sister out every Thursday after school, and stood up for gay rights. Let's say, he was great. Or so I thought.

The following week I went for dinner with Fred. It went great. We went back to my house to... Well... Connect our... Minds. Yeah, sure. Thats where THIS horror story began.

He came over and I guess you could say we started fucking in my freezer. Well, that's the only way you could say it. All of a sudden HIS DICK FROZE.

"AAAAHHH WHAT THE FUCK, IT LOST FEELING"! Alfredo screamed.

"WHAT WHY?!!???"

"I DONT KNOW"

"DOES IT HURT?"

"NO. JUST FROZEN"

"OKAY WELL IM ABOUT TO FINISH AFTER THAT WE CAN STICK IT IN WARM TOMATO JUICE,"

"EWEW BUT WHY?"

"TO THAW IT. SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA, NO?"

I actually have no idea where I got this idea from, but it didn't go well.

"IM NOT GONNA ASK JUST CONCENTRATE!"

"Wow, you need to concentrate."

"I'm almost there."

I let out a bark and I was done. Alfredo graciously pulled out his frozen ass dick, and it fell right off of his abdomen.

"BITCH MY DICK FELL OFF!!!!!!!"

We rushed to the kitchen and boiled tomato soup, and stuck his blue penis in it. That was stupid. Why the fuck did I do that? Basically, Alfredo's key to success went from frozen and blue, to soft, red, and the consistency of pasta. Good thing he's Italian. I got a frying pan and knocked Alfredo out, I wrapped the penis soup up in a Tupperware container, and drove him and the soup to a dump, and left him there.

Fuck this shit I'm out.

Driving away I thought I heard him wake up and say a bad word, but I'm not gonna elaborate because this is a G rated story.

I really feel bad, we was a stand up guy. Really great. I would marry him. Too bad I just dismembered him. Not into marrying someone that I won't have a really good ass honeymoon with. I'm into the idea of wearing a jock-strap and fucking my husband.

See you next time on Paw Patrol!