Hurt...(Jacob Perez love story)

Back to old habits

::Jacob POV:: 

I stayed there on my knees as I watched her walk away from me. "Bonita.." I whimpered as another tear streamed down my face. I know that this time, there's not gonna be another chance for me. I know that I will never, ever, in a million years have her back. I took her love for granted. I let my anger get the best of me as I let out a couple of loose screams. I promised her that I wouldn't hurt her. I've broken that promise about 3 times. I guess 3 times a charm, huh? Why...Why would I do that? I saw so much hurt in her eyes, when she saw me kissing her. I begged her, time and time again to trust me. She let me have her heart and I stomped on it, with no intention to do so. I could tell that when we were together she felt loved. Something that I know she doesn't feel often. She loved me hard and vise versa. Her words kept echoing into my head when I told her I loved her "I'm sorry, Jacob....but I don't believe you." That hurt. How can she not believe that I love her? Of course I do. I know I've made some mistakes that show otherwise, but really. I can't use words to describe how much she means to me. I can't imagine her with someone else. She's too good for anyone else. I don't want anyone getting to hug her and touch her and kiss her but me. That's what I get. Now I'm gonna have to live without her kisses, her hugs, her smile, her touch, and much more. Now, I'm gonna have to watch walk down the hall and remember what I did to her. As much as she says she doesn't hate me I know she's lying. Who wouldn't hate me? Even you guys hate me. But....I'm not giving up. I know you may think I'm being just plain stupid and persistent now, but like I said "when you love somebody you don't give up" and I love her, therefore I will do anything and everything I can in my power to get her back. My thoughts and cries were interrupted by arms wrapping around me and hearing an agitating voice that made me want to jump of a building. "Don't even cry over her, she's not worth it. Now you can be with me and things can go how they're suppose to." she said trying to sound innocent. If she were a dude I would literally smack that smirk off her mouth. I pushed her off me. "Get the f*ck away from me!" I screamed. She really has some nerve right now. "What the hell is your problem?!" she yelled back. "Your my problem! You knew what you were doing and you did it just to hurt her! And now I lost her because of you jealous, pathetic a.ss!" I yelled back. "It's not completely my fault, Jacob! You kissed me back! You put this on yourself! You wanted and slept with this jealous, pathetic a.ss!" she replied. She was right. I can't explain why I kissed her back. I'm clueless to why I slept with her either. I guess my hormones got the best of me. But that's still not an excuse. "Don't worry, Jacob. She's a nobody, a loser. You don't need her." she said coming closer to me. I looked at her stupid. "Are you delusional or stupid?! I. Love. Her. Not. You. Get that through you thick skull! She's not a nobody! She's my bonita and I love her!" I screamed at her. She looked a little hurt. I saw a little tear stream down her cheek. "Why? What does she have that I don't?" she asked in a whimper. I wanted to feel bad. But I really didn't care mainly because she just made me loose my love. "The list could go on and on, but I would rather not waste my breath on you." I snarled. She looked a lot more hurt at my words. I didn't give a sh*t. You'd think that with all that's happened she's feel a little guilt even after she confessed her jealousy for bonita, but no. She had to do it. "Well, if I can't have you then she can't!" she said as she walked passed me and purposely bumped my shoulder. I was to upset to even care. I have to figure out a way to have my bonita back in my arms. 

::Charlene POV:: 

I raced down the hallway with a bunch of emotions going through my body. I had to do it. He's hurt me too many times. My heart is being held up by a string right now, therefore i don't know how much more I can handle. Even if I can't remember the other times. I have the marks and bruises as evidence to prove it. He kissed her like no tomorrow. Kinda of like how he used kiss me. Why of all people Brianna? I mean he helps her beat me up, he sleeps with her and then after that I find him kissing her? That's not love. He can't love me and do all the things. I loved him hard. I really thought that maybe we would eventually get married. Charlene, this is not a f*cking Cinderella story! This is real f*cking life! Get the f*ck over it! But, he was so convincing. He really made me feel like a Bonita while I was with him. Hell, I felt like a princess. I just---I loved him so much, but he didn't love me like I did him. Why can't I just find someone who really just wants to be with me and not hurt me. Like, what have I done? Nothing. What else can I do? Nothing. It's not fair! All I wanted was to feel loved and I can't even have that! For what reason? How the f*ck should I know?! I don't get why he waisted all his time on me like that. I would even rather be left alone for the rest of my life then deal with this bull. I just feel so frustrated. I just want to be left alone right now. Right when I say that I here someone call my name. "Charlene!" I heard someone say. Lord, why don't you like me? I thought I just said I wanted to be alone? Sigh. I felt more tears flood down my cheek as I kept walking. "Charlene, wait!" I heard someone scream again. What the hell, n*gga! If I don't stop it means I don't wanna talk right now! Get the picture?! Sh*t! I walked even faster still crying my eyes out. I heard feet run from behind me. I then felt someone grab my hand "What?!" I screamed turning around to face the person. It was that Jaden kid (y'all are pissed right now! Aha!) "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" (as if you didn't know! pissing me off lol) he asked with sincerity in his eyes. "No reason. Leave me alone" I said lowly trying to walk away. He grabbed my arm and made me face him. "No, tell me" he said looking me in the eyes. I tried to move my face away from his but he out his palm on my cheek and pushed it making me face him again. "I won't bite. C'mon talk to me." he said. I shook my head. "Please?" he asked. I got lost in his beautiful light brown eyes. I cut my eyes away. "Come on" he said as he took my hand and led me to a nearby bench. He sat down and pulled me to the other side to sit with him. "Now tell me what's going on" he said as he out his hand on my thigh and rubbed it. I said nothing. I don't get why all of a sudden he just comes out of nowhere and expects me to tell him what happened. "C'mon Charlene. I hate to see you cry. Just tell me what's wrong so I can help you." Buddy, I don't recall asking for your help. But, at least he's making an effort.  I took a breathe and wiped my tears. "I caught him.." I said lowly. "Caught who?" he asked pushing my hair out of my face. I closed my eyes as more tears fell down my face. "Jacob.." I whimpered. He didn't look surprised. He looked kind of...happy. "What did he do?" he asked coming closer and taking my hand. I didn't think anything of it. I assumed he was just trying to comfort me. "H-he was kissing Brianna" I sobbed while pulling my sleeve over my arm. I covered my eyes in embarrassment as I was still crying like a baby. I felt his arms wrap around me as he put his head on my chin. "Ssshhh, it's ok." he said as he petted my hair and rocked me. I know I said I wanted to be alone, but I really needed and appreciated the comfort he was giving me. He let me go and looked into my eyes. "You don't have to cry over him. He's not worth it. You need someone who's gonna treat you the way you need to be treated. Your special" he whispered to me as he wiped my tears. I got chills up my spine. I appreciate what he said. But right now I don't believe a word he's saying. I shook my head. "I'm not special, there's got to be something wrong me. I can never have someone who just doesn't want to hurt me. Who just wants to be friends and have a decent relationship" I said lowly. It's all true and you know it. "Don't say that. I don't want to hurt you. I wanna help you" he said rubbing my back. I smiled at the sincerity he had in his voice."Thank you." I said with my voice cracky from crying to hard. He sounded like he really cared. But, that's exactly how Jacob sounded too. I can't stand hearing his name anymore. I'm gonna just say 'HIM' from now on, Alright? Ok. (where have we heard that before? lol). I could feel Jaden staring at me. It was that same stare like in the class room this morning. I felt a lot weirded out because he wasn't blinking. I put my hand in front of his face and moved it back and forth. "Hello? Earth to Jaden" I said in a sniff. He said nothing. He licked his lips and but his bottom lips letting his eyes wonder me. I was feeling creeped out again. He snapped out of his trance and stared looked normal again. "I'm sorry, did you say something?" he asked bringing his attention back to me. It was really creepy the way his eyes trailed as I did every single movement. "N-No. Never mind" I said really creeped out. It was an awkward silence. Then I heard the bell ring. What do ya know? It's time to go home. Saved by the bell. "Um, I'm gonna go to my locker and get my backpack." I said as I got up. "Ok, I'll walk you." he said as he locked his arms around my shoulders. He's being really touchy for someone who just wants to be my friend. I'm getting a weird vibe about him. HE told me that when he helped them beat me up, he took me to his house and helped me afterwards. So I'm still skeptical about him. I guess I could let him come with me. There's nothing wrong with that. We began walking to my locker. He had a really tight grip on me. I automatically felt a bit scared at how close he held me. I know he's trying to be nice, but just in case, I don't like him that way. He's sweet and adorable but...just---no. As I was walking I slowly took his hand off of me and smiled at him to play it off. He smiled back while looking down at me. As we walked in the hallway I felt a stare. It wasn't a weird stare. I could feel it.  scanned the hallway to see where it came from. It was HIM. He was staring at me. I saw so much remorse and regret in his eyes. I wanted to go over there and just hug him and tell him that I forgive him, but i can't do that. I have to think about myself here too. I can't keep getting hurt by someone who supposedly loves me. His eyes cut off of me and planted on Jaden. His stare turned into an angry one as I looked at Jaden's face. He gave him the same skin crawling smirk. It's amazing the difference little time can make. This morning we were so happy kissing and hugging and telling saying how much we love each other. I know I meant it, but I don't think he did. I shook my head at him, took a breath and opened my locker. I grabbed my backpack and my books and inserted them inside. As I was bending down I saw someones feet go in front of my face. I slowly rose up and felt myself grow angry . It was Brianna. "What?" I snarled. She smirked at me. Lord knows I want to smack it off. "I just wanted to congratulate you on loosing Jacob. He's been really happy since you two broke up." she said smirking. I knew she was only trying to get to me. "Good to know, now can you please get out of my face" I said getting annoyed by her presence. I not in the mood to be played with. "No, no ,no I'm not done. I just wanted to tell you how much fun our make out was after you left. I made him feel so good, girl. Better then you ever could" she said smirking. I raised my eyebrows at her and gave her a fake smile "So your happy that you opened your legs for him? Very nice. I'm happy that I never did. 1. because I respect myself. 2. I'm not about that life and 3. I'm not a attention seeking h*e who has no life so she has to make others life worse just to find some type of happiness" i snarled. I was surprised at myself. Never would I ever say something like that to a person. I heard people make instigating noises in the background including Jaden. I don't get what was so funny. I shouldn't have said that. My thoughts were interrupted by a great force making it's way across my face. I felt a sting that made me want to scream. I held my face as i slowly turned to her trying to control myself. Surprisingly I did so. I felt proud of myself. But then my anger came back as I realize what she did. I felt my cheeks burn in utter frustration as i kept myself from hitting her back. I'm not about that life. I'm not a fighter. As much as I wish i could hit her I won't. For some reason I let no tears fall across my face. I power walked out of the school before I was able to do anything. "Yeah! Go ahead, run like the little b*tch you are!" I heard her yell. I felt like I let her win. I was so agitated with myself. What does this girl have against me?! I rushed home feeling so embarrassed. I finally got home. Once I entered my house I let my tears fall. I slammed my backpack on the floor. My life is a mess! Why do i always have to be the victim?! Everything always happens to me. I just want to be a nobody. Just a quiet girl. Maybe at least  have one friend. I guess Rayon, Craig and Chresanto made an effort but it won't work. They're HIS friends so they would probably hang with him instead. I raced up to my room. I was so frustrated that i don't think anything could really calm me down nor satisfy me at this point, not even crying. I took off my sweater and ran my hands through my hair. I just wanted to take out my anger on anything and everything. I thought about rearranging my room but I don't wanna have to clean it up afterwards. With my hands on my still in my hair I noticed the cut on my arms. It said "B E A U T Y". I ran my fingers over it. I've noticed it, but never really took the time to really think about it. I'm assuming that I used to cut my self out of frustration. I bit my lip at my idea. Without thinking I slowly walked up to the bathroom. I opened the cabinet and found a small blade. I slowly pulled it towards me and glared at it. I bit my lip at what i was about to do. "Hello old friend." I said still glaring at it. I stared at my reflection through it. I saw I single tear run down my cheek again. how many f*cking times do i have to cry?! I slowly blinked before I slowly searched for a clear space on my wrist as I bit my lip. I finally found one. HIS words echoed into my head "No...please..I love you" Lies. Them kissing replayed into my head. Her slapping me. Thinking about it made me loose control. I held the blade across my wrist. I slowly slit it deep into my skin. I gritted my teeth in pain. I took a paused as i cut myself half way. I glared at it and continued. When I was done I watched as my blood ran down my hand. It felt too good. I felt like a weight was just lifted off my shoulders again. I let myself sit on the floor and grow loose as the blood went down my hand and on to the floor. It was kinda like when it's a really hot day and you have a really nice cold bottle of water. But warm. The way the cold refreshing substance goes down your throat is so soothing and refreshing. I know it's a sucky way to describe it, but it's the only way I know how. It was an utter silence. I sat there as I heard my blood make itself into a puddle on the floor. Drip...drip...drip. It went. I giggled at how much I loved this. No wonder I used to do this. This sh*t calms my nerves. I know this is dangerous, but if I gave a sh*t I wouldn't do it. I just sat there on the bathroom floor near a puddle of blood having what feels like the time of my life. I'm back to old habits now I guess. 

::Jacob POV:: 

I stood there frozen and I thought about what I just witnessed. She has the nerve to put her hands on my bonita. Hell no. I could see the anxiousness and frustration in her eyes. She's already had a rough day and now on top of everything she has to be embarrassed, once again. She's gonna crack soon. I know it. As much as I wanted to run over to wherever she was and caress her and tell her everything was going to be fine, I couldn't. Only because she would push me away. I know my bonita, she's very fragile, and sensitive. She takes what people say to heart. She's my princess and she deserves to be treated like one. Lately, I haven't been showing that to her.  She may seem strong to some people in some ways, but I guarantee I've seen her cry more then anyone else. Hell, I'm the reason she cries as much as she does. I'm worried at what she may do when she arrives home. I ran my fingers through my curly locks fighting myself on what I should do. I know she needs comfort right now. I can feel it. But, I have to give her some time. To have some peace with herself at least. If I want my bonita back I'm gonna have to take it one step at a time. I just hope and pray that she doesn't do anything that may hurt herself and me.