They Are Stars

Part Three: Miss

I haven't really taken initiative before. I always depend on my parents for practically anything. The only responsibility I have is school, basically. I mean, I can handle myself pretty well, but only in my comfort zone. Manila isn't a comfort zone, but at least my grandma's apartment is. My new room isn't considered a room to me. It's more like a big, reused walk-in closet. It looks emptier, but alive.

I walk out of my room and down the hallway. Believe it or not, the apartment isn't that small. The beige walls are filled with memories. Memories of my mom with braces, my dad being an awkward teenager, me as a baby and my huge extended family that I don't know much about.

"Oh Lian! You hungry?" My grandma suddenly calls me from the dining room. "Yes po." She pulls out plates of food from the kitchen. "It's okay, grandma, I can do it myself, but thank you." She smiles. My grandma is pretty decent at speaking english. She has a few mistakes here and there, but she's okay.

"How are you?" She asks, focusing on her cooking. I sometimes find myself wanting to ask her about who she's cooking for, cleaning for or waiting for. Or maybe I'm over thinking everything. "I'm fine."

"So, how about school and work?"

"I want to go to a normal high school."

"Oh, that's so nice! But how about the tuition fees?"

"Don't worry, I'm going to get a job."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. And- oh yeah, I need to enroll."

"I will pay for the first quarter, okay? You don't know how expensive this apartment is, ha?" She grins. "Thank you so much." I laugh as she envelops me with her arms. I remember hugs like this, filled with either joy or sadness

I haven't told my parents about my problems. They won't know how to fix them. But now, they're up in the sky, looking down with smiles on their faces, saying things like, 'you can do this!" And, 'we believe in you!' I believe in them too.

"I missed you guys" My grandma says. "Us?"

"Yes!" At this moment I start to think that she might have Alzheimers. "I used to talk to your grandfather while you were away." I'm too bewildered to say anything. She leads me to her balcony under the night sky. "It is therapeutic for me," she continues. "Talking to the stars whenever something is lost." She laughs. "I've talked to my keys a lot, they always get lost. You should try it, it helps with the loss." She turns to the door and walks in, leaving me under the sky filled with the lost.