The Summer I Learned to Breathe

eighteen

☼ eighteen ☼

For some odd reason, I wake up with a craving for ice cream. I take the time to quickly shower and make a small effort to look presentable, but I promptly leave the house and drive into town. I pull into a space along the quaint street of the ice cream shop, and I cut the engine and begin walking toward the store.

It's around eleven, so I'm not surprised to find a nearly empty shop; there's one couple, a babysitter with a child, and two teenagers. I get in line, but I only have to wait a minute or two before a raven-haired guy asks for my order. My eyes land on his face, and I nearly gasp.

It's Derek.

I want to leave, but I can't escape now. I trust Sam's warnings for me to keep my distance. I figure buying ice cream from him is harmless, and I'll be able to leave here in one piece with my ice cream.

"Cookie dough on a cone please," I mumble. He nods, sending me a weird look that I can't identify. I watch him scoop the ice cream into the cone before he closes the case and hands me the sugary treat.

"That'll be $2.50," he says, his eyes darting nervously around the room. I hand him three one-dollar bills without speaking to him. Derek glances down at the money drawer and grabs two quarters. "I can't believe you hang out with him," Derek says as he hands me my change.

I cup my hand around the coins, and then I shove them into the pocket of my jean shorts. "Excuse me?"

He scrunches his face, giving me a look of confusion and almost disgust. "Sam. He's such an asshole. I haven't talked with him since he was with me the night Austin--" He stops. His expression morphs into one described as 'deer in the headlights'. Then, traces of regret and sympathy appear. I realize Derek and Sam must have been in the car that hit my brother's. All I had known for the past year was that two teenagers were in the car that took Austin's life. Of course I had suspicions as to who those teenagers were; however, I was never positive as to who exactly was responsible.

"Who was driving?" I ask through my teeth. I'm trying to control my breathing, and my rage, at the thought of talking to the person who killed my brother.

"Marley, you have to understand. I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have been behind that wheel! And Sam, he..." Derek frantically responds, and I'm surprised he's suddenly so animated with me when one minute ago he was acting so bored and over everything.

"He what?" I prod for an answer, ignoring the fact that Derek is actually apologizing for once in his life.

"He was furious with me. I didn't listen to him. He told me not to drive but I ignored him," he frantically explains, "Don't be mad at him."

"Don't tell me who to be mad at!" I scream. At this point, I'm the center of attention of the entire creamery. "You're an asshole, Derek! You think you can kill someone, say 'sorry' to his sister, and everything will be ok? You should be in jail for being so reckless!" Over the years, I've never liked Derek, and it makes it easier for me to dislike him after what he's done. However, I never thought I would be mad at Sam. Ever. But I'm furious with him; he knows how hurt I am over this situation and he never once told me he was involved. He lied to me, and that puts him at asshole status right next to Derek. But I'm not going to tell Derek how I feel toward Sam right now. "And you know what? Stay out of my business and stay out of my life!"

I push my ice cream cone back at him, and it drops to the floor as I storm out the door. I'm suddenly not in the mood for ice cream, or any sort of food whatsoever. I'm not thinking straight as I navigate back to the lake house, and I'm lucky I make it there in one piece. I rapidly cut the engine, climb out of the car, and slam the door. I sprint across the grass and straight to Sam's front door where I pound against the heavy wood.