The Glory of Them [Bastille Fanfiction]

Cracks

So this chapter gets a bit complicated. Dan's having essentially.... A break down... He's obviously bipolar.... So conveying that is a bit difficult but hopefully you all enjoy it 😅

Nicole POV

After last week's mental break down it was settled. We were going to Durban just us. Plus I had something to tell you. Being alone would surely make it hurt less. Kyle and Janna offered to watch Clara and before you knew it were on a plane back to our ancestors home. Even there it didn't seem to brighten your dark demeanour. I sat back, taking in your appearance. Your wrinkled skin between your brows and thinned frame. The concentration of whatever thought was fully engulfing you. I took a sip of my tea before putting my sunglasses on my head and looking in the direction of your line of sight. The beach, the ocean lapping against the shore just beyond the fence of the cafe. My mind was on all the doctor's opinions of possibly admitting you to a hospital for mental assessment. Then again who would be able to understand you let alone the years of trauma and trails. I bit my lips together for a moment as I carefully picked my words.

"You're overwhelmed aren't you.... You sort of wish you could restart this story and make adjustments.... But you can't..." I stated aloud and glanced at you. You slowly turned your head and looked to me before looking down at your untouched mug of tea. "You can't change who we've become or what we've been through -"

"That isn't what's on my mind..." You interrupted me and only looked to me with your eyes for a moment before looking back at your glass. "You're on my mind. Life is on my mind... This world is so fucked up every day.... And here I am worrying about you and Clara... About the tour... About anything I can worry about..." I sat up and placed my hand on yours, shaking my head.

"No stop worrying... You're a pessimist to a T... I'm fine... Clara is fine... The only thing you should be worrying about right now is your health Dan. You broke down last week! Thought I was going to divorce you or something... I'm frustrated with you yes... But you're still the man I met in that bar... You're still the man I made love to on new years here and Durban. You've got a bit more baggage yes, but so do I...." I squeezed your hand before taking a deep breath. " The others are worried about you... About you... Harming yourself-"

"For Christ's sake... I'm not that guy anymore..."

"No you're right but you're worse at times. Hell even the fans were commenting on your weight. You sick... Your voice is straining. You're bipolar Dan! The doctors keep telling me to admit you! Yet I refuse in hopes you get help yourself....What's next?!"

"I don't fucking know!" You yelled, the veins trickling along your skin from the sudden rise in blood pressure. I was thankful we were the only ones in shouting distance except for the server. "What do you want me to say Niks?! That I don't sleep well anymore because I'm worried the fans will think the music is shit?! Or because I'm afraid of hurting you some how?! Or Clara?! Or do you want me to tell you about the girl at the studio?!" I slowly sat back after releasing your hand, I managed to swallow the lump in my throat before speaking.

" So there is someone else...?" I couldn't tell if you were being truthful or not. Not in this state. Then again why lie... " How long...?"

"It was a one time thing..." I huffed a laugh and looked towards the oceans, biting into my tongue. " Say something...."

"I wish you were lying."

"I am... I just wanted to get a rise out of you." You stood and dug in your pocket for the tip for our tea. Without hesitation I stood and smacked you roughly across the face, watching you head snap to the side.

"Fuck you. Wow... And here I thought bringing you to Durban was a smart move... In hopes to bring my husband's sanity back and to break the news to you..." I started walking towards the beach, trying to slow down my heart racing in my ears.

"Niks.... Fucking shit.... I'm sorry!"

"Fuck off!" I turned around to look at you, my eyes welling with tears! "I don't know what Dan I'll be getting when you're stressed! You think it's bloody joke! Me asking if you're fucking someone else!"

"You know I never would!" You shouted back rushing towards me as I turned away from me. Sweet innocent Dan always knew how to calm me down. "Niks...."

"I'm still cross with you..."

"What did you have to tell me....?" I shrugged and sat down in the sand. You sat down and looked straight ahead as well. "I know I'm fucked up... I'll get help... But right now I'm worried about you-"

"I was pregnant."

"Was?" You whispered in response as I nodded.

"I um... I took a test and then I went to the doctor's they saidThat... That it was going to miscarry within a week... That the embryo or whatever wasn't settled properly... So.... No surprise it happened when you were at the studio...." I placed my arms on my knees as I brought them closer to my chest. I let you wrap an arm around me. Even after the stunt you had pulled back at the cafe.

"I'm sorry... Wow... I'm an ass."

"I know you are..." We laughed softly together, almost a pained and uneasy laugh. " Dan...?"

" Yeah Niks...?"

"You promise me you'll get help...."

"Yes love..." You pressed a kiss to my shoulder before we sat in silence. It wasn't an overwhelming silence. It was almost needed. We were finally not at each other's throats for a few moments. Here we thought once you got help things would be okay. That the tour was the easy part. I'll never forget what it felt like that February evening. The way blood pulses from my vein like a river. The way Charlie's arm looked twisted like a pool noodle. Your pleads for help ringing in my ears through the screams of others. This world was wild.