Thoughts of a Young Christian Woman: Faith Is A Funny Thing

I Still Believe

God promises a lot of things. According to my intensive research, aka a quick Google search, there's over 3,500 in the Bible. I think one of the hardest lessons to understand is that God doesn't promise to answer prayers the way we want Him to.

If I'm a good Christian, if I follow God's will and do what's right, God's supposed to fulfill the desires of my heart, right? But, He doesn't always. I'm supposed to trust in Him, and have faith that God's plans are better. But, in every disappointment, I can't help but wonder, what is so wrong with what I want? The desires of my heart don't seem that bad.

A while back, I tried getting a nicer car but couldn't get a loan. I was so upset because I had prayed and prayed for something so simple that I thought I needed, but it didn't work out. I sold my old car for a down payment and was stuck borrowing my fiancé's car to get to class. I didn't understand why God didn't want this to work out for me, but then it hit me: I was acting like a spoiled brat.

Sometimes parents just say no. It's not because parents don't want to give their child everything they want. Parents do what is best for their kid. There I was, throwing a tantrum because my father in heaven did not give me something that I wanted. I don't know exactly why He didn't, but I can take a guess.

Maybe God let me sell my old car because it went to an old friend who had fallen away from Him and needed a reminder that God was still watching over her.

Maybe He let me go without a vehicle to test how selfless my fiancé was by lending me the new car he had just bought so I could get to class everyday.

Maybe He was saving me from financial burden because my wedding was more expensive than I had hoped and I wouldn't have been able to afford car payments.

Whatever the reason, there is always a bigger picture that I cannot fully see. If we can learn to trust God in the little struggles we face everyday, it's easier to have faith when in the storms of life.

I had a friend from church camp who had cancer. Several churches had kids who went to this church camp. When she got sick, people all over Ohio were praying for a miracle. We all believed God was going to heal her. We felt it in our hearts and had so much faith in God's healing power.

My mom and another girl from church were planning on making the drive and visiting her at the hospital. I couldn't go, but the night before I wrote a letter for her and included an invitation for my wedding, because I was so confident that she'd be well by then. She passed away early the next morning.

Seeing a friend, the same age as me, lying in a casket, broke my heart. It was hard to stop the tears. It was hard to understand why it happened. Every year, for the last five years, I saw her at camp. I believed with all my heart that she would be there next summer, sharing her testimony about how she was cured of cancer.

Faith is a funny thing. They say it's not believing God can, it's believing He will. But, what happens when He doesn't? I think faith is more about endurance; continuing to believe despite what has happened in the past.

God did heal her. Not the way we thought He would. Not the way we prayed for. But she's in heaven, cancer free. I can't imagine the faith and strength it takes to keep the faith after a sibling or parent had died, but God is the only one who can get you through it.

It is hard to see the good through all the hurt. It is hard to be told no when you see nothing wrong with saying yes. It is hard to remeber that there is a bigger picture when all you can see is what's in front of you. Life is hard; it wasn't meant to be easy.

Paul compared a Christian's life to a race. He called it a fight. I don't know about you, but I don't think marathons are very easy. It takes endurance to reach the finish line, to fight the good fight. Endurance is faith. Faith that even if I have many dark days ahead, even if it is a daily struggle to keep my joy, even if I do not receive what I've asked for, God is a good God, and my trust is in Him.