A Letter to Myself

Family Reunion

“Janessa! Janessa! Wake up! Wake UP!” Jennie screeched, jumping out of her pink bed and pouncing onto mine. I blindly grabbed my pillow and hid my bedhead under it.

“Janessa, we’re going to be LATE!” She removed the pillow from my head and tossed it at me.

“For what? Isn’t it Saturday?” I mumbled.

“DAD’S COMING!” she screamed.

I forgot.

No!

I barely managed to sit up. The thought of seeing Dad wrapped around my head. I always admired his beautiful brown eyes and his brown hair that he would never lose.

“Why are you looking at me like that?!” Jennie asked. I didn’t realize I had been staring at her. She resembled Dad more than I did.

“S-sorry...”I unconsciously began shredding my sheets.

"Well, GET UP!" She ripped the covers from my hands and I forced myself down the stairs.

"Hi, hon." Mom gave me a meek smile as I sat in my hard, plastic dining chair. "You ready for the big day?"

"Yeah, Mom!" Jennie blurted. "I can't wait for Dad to come!" Mom gazed at our family picture on the window sill. The five of us looked so happy in that picture. It was our Christmas picture from when I was ten. She was still in love with Dad, I could tell. I felt sorry for her.

"What do you want to eat today?" Mom sighed. Jennie already had her Strawberry pasty in the toaster.

"Um… can I have a bagel?" I asked.

"Sure thing." I loved my bagels with peanut butter and apples on top.

Within a matter of minutes, Mom set my delicious breakfast on the table. After thanking her, I took monster bites. By the time I started eating, Jennie had left.

Mom pulled up a chair next to me. "Janessa, are you sure you're okay with going?" she questioned.

"Well, no." Mom started squeezing the pimple on my right temple. I hated when she did that.

"Just try to get through it, okay? He might have changed."

"Um…" I held in a painful yelp. Mom always had to get my acne when I could do it myself. "I'm fine." I didn't want to cause Mom any more trouble than she already had.

"Can I go now? I'm done."

"Just a minute…" Yowch! She got it. "Yeah. Hurry up and get ready."

***

Brushed teeth. Check. Got dressed. Check. Brushed hair. Check. I filled out my mental To-Do list while I lay in my bed. Millions of thoughts buzzed around the highway in my mind. What should I say first? What will he say? What if he drinks?

To distract myself, I shuffled through the third drawer in my dresser. I really needed a good tip.

April 29

Dear Self,

When someone talks to you, make sure you respond. Don't just stand there. Be friendly… or they'll hate you.

Sincerely,

Janessa

The thought sunk into my head. Be friendly… be friendly… that would be really hard, considering all the cruel things Dad did to us and Jake.

I hopped into my bed and held in a sob. It was all too much. Seeing my father after more than two years… I didn't want to. I stared at my white ceiling, thinking of a way to escape. I wished for time to stop. Or at least for all the clocks to break. Or for everyone to forget what day it was. Or...