Stronger *Trilogy* (Larcel/Larry)

Chapter 14

Warning! Some parts could be triggering.

I woke up the next morning and noticed that Zayn was gone. I sat up, stretching and that's when I noticed the note on the coffee table. I leaned forward, grabbing it.

Gone to Uni. I didn't wake you up, you'v needed that sleep for a while. Z xx

I sighed and looked around the room thinking of something to do. Whenever I was home alone before I always went to the gym but at the minute all I can do at the gym is sob my heart out. I got up and walked around the apartment for a bit, touching everything from picture frames, to a dusty old book which Zayn had left on a shelf. I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt like a lost soul.

I finally walked back into the living room -after being in the bathroom and staring at my reflection- and the screen on my phone lighting up caught my attention. I hummed in confusion as I walked up to the phone and picked it up, pressing the unlock button, only to see a picture of Louis and I. We were kissing and I think it was Zayn who took the picture.

I stared at it for a while, missing the way his lips felt on mine, missing the way his arms wrapped around my body, how his hand fit perfectly in mine, how he used to hug me tight as we slept, how he had stole my heart those two years ago in high school. And now look where we are, practically nowhere. We broke up and now I'm alone in this big, cold world.

I looked at the screen once more, the picture bringing back painfully, happy memories. Memories that now mean nothing. Memories that I won't be able to live again. I threw the phone across the room and watched it hit the wall and shatter into smaller pieces.It wasn't fair! It wasn't fair that I lost him! Not the person I loved, not the person I fought so much for! 

I pulled on my curls -which had become a habit- , pacing up and down the apartment. Stop thinking about him! He left you! It's over! He hates you for what you did! He never loved you and he never will! My brain screamed and a sob escaped my lips.

"Shut up!" I yelled, my voice sounding weak.

'Who can love a lying, drug addict like you?' He was right you know! Nobody can love you Marcel, they just pretend they do so they can destroy you! Everyone hates you and they want you dead!

"No, no, no, no! He was wrong! He does love me! He has to." I panicked as I opened my eyes, tears falling freely. As I looked around everything was blurry and the room was spinning around.

Do it! You know you want to! You seek for attention, that's why you do it! Isn't it? They're in the bathroom. Just go, they're waiting for you, they're calling for you! They want to help you, they want to mark your skin, they want you to forget. You know it's the only way.

"Go away! Leave me alone." I screamed, my wrists itching as I tried to cover them up with my sweater.

Come on Marcel, don't be like this. I know what you want to do and you know what you want to do. It's so easy isn't it? Just grabbing that sharp blade and letting your problems go. You know you could even end all this pain right now. All you have to do is go a little deeper and it's over! Do you know how happy everyone will be? Ecstatic!

A sharp and painful scream left my lips, like someone was stabbing me with a knife over and over again. That's how it felt. Like I was being murdered! I slowly stumbled into the bathroom. I felt like I couldn't breath, like my lungs stopped working as I tried to take deep breaths. I looked at the sink and grabbed the razor, holding it tightly in my hand.

Don't be scared! You've done this so many times before, what's changed?

"I-I promised I wouldn't do it anymore." I whispered, examining the razor.

And why would you make such a promise when you've already broke it? That's just plain stupid. My brain tutted. You know what could help though? We both know Zayn must have some type of drug around right? I mean come on Zayn finally stopped doing drugs? What kind of fantasy world are we living in?

I looked up in the mirror and watched as my reflection mouthed the words to me. I nodded slightly and a satisfying smirk grew on Harrys face in the mirror. Good Marcel. Let's check the bedroom then.

Leaving the razor in the sink, I left the bathroom and made my way to Zayns bedroom, opening the door, listening to it creak open. I walked in and started looking around everywhere and anywhere I could. I just couldn't find anything though, there was nothing here.

Look harder Marcel! Think you idiot! Where would you hide drugs? Or better yet where did you used to hide drugs?

"You're the one who took them not me!" I spat at Harry and he laughed sarcastically.

No, no my dear Marcel, we took them! Don't forget I'm still you.

I walked over to the bed and lifted the mattress up feeling around until I felt something. I grabbed it and pulled it out, seeing that it was a plastic bag with small pills in it. I let out a shaky breath as my whole body trembled.

Jackpot! I knew you would come through!

"I don't want to do this. I-I can handle it." I mumbled and I felt myself shaking my head.

No you can't. Now come on! Stop being a pussy. You're the one who wants to do this! You're the one who wants the pain to go away!

I numbly walked back to the bathroom and started breaking the razor apart -something easy to do by the many times I had done it- and I once again stared at the cold metal between my fingertips. It all seemed to go so quickly after that. I took two pills and I was out of my head after fifteen minutes. I sat on the floor in the bathroom, pressing the blade into my skin, creating line after line. I felt so child-like doing it like I was painting a picture. The blade was my paint brush and my arm was the canvas.

Good boy! I knew you would finally give in! That's why I'm in control here and you're just my puppet.

Soon after I blacked out and I finally felt, after two weeks, that all my problems had vanished even though it would only last for a few hours. He's right though, I'm his puppet and at the moment he is my puppet master.

A/N: Boy oh boy! Marcel has gone insane. If any of you guys are confused with this chapter then just inbox me and I will explain. Also this: Who can love a lying, drug addict like you? is from chapter 20 of Double Life. For those who don't remember Louis said it after telling Marcy that he didn't mean it when he said that he loved him. So yeah tell me what you think of the chapter!