Alone

Present (Pt 2)

Dear Jay,

You still there?

Keep reading. 

Bet, you're feeling guilty aren't you?

Bet, it felt good to hurt me twice, didn't it?

So much relief.

Success.

You finally accomplished your goal.

You made me cry, but you already knew that didn't you?

You still didn't care. You continued your life doing the same thing, you've wanted to do.

Anyway, let's start the story of where the true bullshit began. Shall we?

The smile that's where it started.

After that, everything would change. 

The smile. That adorable smile.

It was a continuous game between us with exchanging smiles. 

I'd never thought that feelings could progress from just one smile. 

December:

"Goals." "So cute!" "Adorbs!!" "J'asia"

Those things we heard. 

Those things we agreed to ignore. I thought they embarrassed you, but it actually brought us closer together. Even through everything, I knew I had your back and that you had mine. Or so I thought.

December. That's when you said you started liking me. But now I don't even know whats true and whats not. You tell me. Did you?

I looked to you as my friend. A close friend. Maybe even my best friend. But not at that time yet. 

Never did I ever think that during the month of February that I would start liking you too. 

You were nice. So I thought.

Funny. What I believed.

Fun to talk to. Those lies we talked about.

I couldn't tell what I was feeling to anyone because I thought you wouldn't have felt the same. Turns out from what you said, you did. But, I doubted myself. I thought no white guy would like a black girl. Let alone a black girl with so many reoccurring issues. But, you knew those issues, you accepted them and you took your risk. 

A risk that I would soon find out after us. Once it was too late. 

I wanted it to be real. I wanted you to save me. Who was I kidding? I couldn't even save myself.