Alone

Helpless - Present (Prt. 3)

Helpless.

Absolutely helpless. Judging by my past, it was destined from the start. 

I guess we must continue.

Nearly my entire life, I have been disappointed and let down by so many people. One right after the other. 

Jay, with you, it was different. 

You broke me into millions of pieces. I shared things with you that I never share with others. I showed you a side of me I didn't even know I had. You tore me up.

You ruined me. 

I continue to ask myself... "Why?" Just... "Why?"

I told you the deepest and darkest parts of me. Secrets about the real me. I showed you my naked soul. I showed you my skin. I showed you...me. And I don't even know who I am truly.. or who I was truly. But you do... and you took advantage of that. 

I trusted you... first mistake.

I loved you... second mistake.

And I put you before myself... the biggest mistake of them all. 

If you're not Jay then you're most likely confused... 

Here goes nothing...

I was robbed of my innocence, I was robbed of my dignity, I was robbed of my character, I was robbed of myself. 

I loved him so much, anything he asked, I did. He made me feel a satisfaction that I've never felt before in my life. An acceptance that you don't get from friends. A beauty that is beyond just Omarion's daily compliments. It was more than that for me, it made a difference hearing it from him. 

Miles of skin, long and neverending, you shared mine with thousands of people. Like an object. He made me look like a fool, made me someone I'm not. 

That night.

March 11.

The second day of our spring break. The supposed "time of our lives."

Room 569. Made it the worst day of my life. 

I wonder if he can he still hear me screaming, screeching, begging for it to stop. 

"No" "Please don't do this" "Stop" "Get off of me"

Those words ring in my head like bells. Sirens. Loud and constant, always there. 

I died that day and the blood is on his hands.