Twin Brothers

12

It's been a couple days since I've returned to Camelot and been back to being a slave of the royal prat himself. Things were going smoothly. No one expected a thing. I acted the way the old Merlin would have acted: sarcastic, clumsy. You name it, I did it. But deep down, I was cringing and screaming. I can't stand to be in his presence another second. Ordering me to do this and that didn't exhaust him, but it sure did me. I want him dead. I need him dead. I can't wait for the plan to fall in place, and I could finally breathe. 

As expected, others have been keeping a close eye on me. I should have known Uther wouldn't trust me enough, unlike his son does. He's not only managed a handful of knights and guards to watch over me, but I've noticed the servants as well. Just this morning, I'd overheard some servants complaining to each other about how exhausted they were following me around because there was nothing to report. Apparently, Uther announced a large sum of money for anyone who could give him any information. 

Bottom line is, Morgana's plan may need to wait a little while longer than planned. If I'm receiving this amount of attention, there was no way I'd be able to place the pouch without suspicion falling on me. Unfortunately, the wait is effecting me horribly.

My skin itches. It itches to inflict harm to the Pendragons. The voices in my head get louder and louder nearly every time I'm near them, especially when we're alone. To prevent myself from doing anything stupid, I scratch at my wrist. It brings me back to reality, but it is starting to leave cuts and extended irritation. I do nothing about them because it serves as a reminder of what I'm meant to do. 

On the third night back, I'm sitting in bed. Just staring at the floor beneath my feet. My skin is itching again. My heart pounding against my chest. Droplets of sweat forming in my armpits and rolling down my face. My body shivered from the sudden chills that ran down my back. I was exhausted, but my mind wouldn't let me sleep. 

'He's so close to you. What are you waiting for? Strike them down! Strike them all down! Now's your chance. While they sleep. Do it! Kill them! KILL THEM ALL!'

My head pounded from the amount of pressure the voice held. 

'I have to wait,' I told it. 'It's not yet time. Too many spies.'

'Lies! Lies! Excuses! You're hesitating. Now is the time!' the voice presses.

'I'm not lying.'

'You lie to yourself! You are weak! Not worthy. Know where you stand. Now is the time to choose. Kill Arthur! Kill Uther! Kill them all!'

"Shut up!" I yelled, holding my ears tightly in my trembling hands. 

'Kill them, Merlin. Do it now,' the voice ushered, 'while the night is still young.'

"No," I shakingly spoke as I stood up. 'It is not yet time. I just need more time before I can do it,' I thought to the voice in my head. My voice.

'When did it get so hot in here?' I thought to myself as I started pacing my chambers. My hands, now, clenching my arm. My nails digging into my skin. 'Breathe, Merlin. Just breathe.' I told myself. 

"Merlin?" a voice broke my thoughts. My head looked towards the door as it began to open. I hid my naked arms behind my back. I was starting to draw blood. I didn't need Gaius to question me. "Everything all right?" He asked once he was inside.

I swallowed thickly, "yes, Gaius. I just had a bad dream is all. Nothing to worry about." Gaius stared at me for a moment, almost studying me. He hummed in response with a slight nod of his head. He left the room, and for a moment, I thought he was going back to bed, however, he left the door open, and I could hear slight clanging from the other room before his footsteps started back towards my chambers. Once again, Gaius walked through the door, but this time with a small vile in his hand. He quickly walked over to me and tried to hand it to me.

"Here, take this. It'll help you sleep better," he stated.

I smiled a bit and couldn't help but chuckle slightly, "is that the same remedy you gave Morgana? Cause I got to say, it didn't work very well when you gave it to her." I shook my head and took a step back. 

"Are you saying your dream was magic related, Merlin?" Gaius raised an eyebrow as he retracted his hand. My mind went a hundred miles a minute thinking of something to say.

"No."

'Nice one, idiot,' the voice chuckled at me. I looked away from Gaius as my body tensed up from the sudden voice. The chuckle didn't help either. It didn't sound right.

"Then, why are you bringing up Morgana?" he asked, concern laced in his voice.

"I was just thinking. I don't need the remedy, Gaius. It was just a bad dream," I tried to reassure.

Gaius sighed shaking his head and took a step towards me. His hand reached out again in attempt to hand me the small vile. I eyed the vile for a moment. 

"Please, just take the vile. It would make me feel better to know that you're sleeping well." I hesitated. A part of me didn't want him to worry because I cared for his well being. He used to be like a father to me. Perhaps, he still is, but another part of me wanted him to suffer after all he's done in betraying those with magic. Then, there was the part of me that didn't want him to worry because it would cause him to keep an eye on me and my actions. Less people who watch over me, the better.

I pursed my lips together and grabbed the vile from the old mans hand. He studying my face as I retracted my arm. His eyes never leaving even as I held onto what he'd already given me. Silence fell between us for a few moments. It seemed like I looked everywhere but Gaius' face. I couldn't look him in the eye. If I did, I may just spill everything. That's just the kind of man Gaius was no matter if I despised him or not.

In hopes that Gaius would leave me alone, I humored him and opened the vile before pouring all the liquid down my throat. I handed him back the glass before walking back to my bed. Gaius silently watched me do so. Spreading the blanket over my legs, I leaned on my elbow for support. Looking up at Gaius, he seemed to be studying me still. His eyes glanced down to my arms, more specifically, the red cuts I had inflicted upon myself. Before he could get a good look, I covered my torso with the blanket, tucking my arms underneath, and laid my head down on my pillow.

Gaius swayed a bit where he stood. His mouth open slightly as if trying to choose his next words carefully. In the end, he shut his mouth with a sigh and looked down at the floor. The remedy was starting to take affect by this time. My eye lids getting heavier with each passing moment. 

"Good night, Merlin," Gaius finally spoke before walking towards the door. In a daze, I found myself saying it back to him before I heard the door shut. Soon after, sleep fell upon me. No voices bothering me this time.