Twin Brothers

15

It happened slowly. As if I was moving through thickened air. 

Gaius has gone to bed. So had Arthur. And the servants. And most of the knights. 

It was the middle of the night. I snuck out the physicians chambers and made my way down the halls.

Morgana was waiting for me on the other side of the gate in the darkness. Marcus right behind her. His hand clenching onto the hilt of a sheathed sword. The only weapon he has without his magic. 

Morgana smiled once she saw me and gave her knife a little twirl in her hand, "about time, Merlin. We were starting to get worried." They walked in after I opened the gate. "It's nice to finally be here in the flesh again. It's been too long," she twirled around to face me. "And I'm so glad you pulled through with our plan. I got to say, Marcus had his doubts." She smirked at him.

He glared back and faced me, "I had many doubts, little brother."

I didn't say anything. What was there to say? Tell them that this was mental, that I had second thoughts again, that I couldn't let them do this? I couldn't tell them that. I no longer have a choice in what happens. And it's all my fault.

"Wow," he started, "no reply? No snarky comment? My, my. What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing," I managed to say through my clenched teeth, "just get it done with already."

I didn't meet their eyes or even lift my head up from facing the ground. I quickly turned around and began walking away.

"You're not going soft again, are you, Emrys?" Morgana's voice echoed after me. I stopped and let out a sigh before turning back.

"No, I'm not. I'm just tired is all."

"Good because this is what we've all been waiting for... I thought you'd be a little more thrilled the king is about to die," she replied. I bit my tongue to hold back from saying something stupid. I quickly gathered my thoughts.

"I'm just tired," I replied and turned around again. 

I walked back to the physicians chambers. Gaius was still fast asleep by the time I snuck back in. His snored echoed in my ears as I made my way to my bed. I laid there in the darkness of my room, staring at the wall in front of me. In the meanwhile, Morgana is in the middle of killing Uther Pendragon. 

The sound of my heart pounding was deafening.

'Shit.' The voice in my head returned.

The more I thought about Uthers murder, the more the voice repeated itself. 

It was starting to get hotter in the room. I found it very difficult to breathe. Like a big wave, the guilt suddenly washed all over me. Soon, there was nothing else I could think of. 

I seriously couldn't breathe. Maybe I truly didn't deserve the air in my lungs after this. 

I didn't even realize the tears falling from my eyes until I felt the wetness all over my pillow. Still, I didn't move. It was as if I was frozen in this bed preventing me from getting up to stop what shouldn't be happening right now. But even then, I don't know if I could stop it even if I wanted to. 

The guilt was too heavy to lift.

Only one thought repeated itself in my head now: 'What the hell have you done?'