Our Ana | Kate & Ana & Christian

Chapter 1

Ana's Pov;

Christians pained expression is burned into the back of my brain. It's all I can think of as Taylor drives me home. I've left Christian. The only man I've ever loved. The only man I love. I still love him, I can't deny that, but he gave me no choice but to leave. He can't love me back, he won't. No one who would hurt me in that way and enjoy it as he did would ever be able to in the same breath tell me they love me. It's just not possible for us to go on as we were. I had to leave.

The apartment is empty when I get home, achingly empty. I let myself fall onto the couch and as I lay curled in a small ball the tears start coming. They don't stop. "Ana?" A familiar voice breaks through my tears and I jerk into an upright position. Kate! "Oh, Ana." She opens her arms to me, not knowing what to say, and I gladly wrap myself in her warm embrace. How did I not notice she was here? The signs were everywhere. Her shoes are by the door. There's a radio playing, I can tell the sounds coming from her bedroom. How did I not notice all of this when I first walked in? I must've been really out of it. Drowning in my thoughts of Christian. "Ana, what happened?" Kate asks, her hands brush over my hair and back, trying to soothe me. I don't answer I just sniffle into her shoulder. I take a deep breath and force myself back into a standing position, no longer leaning on her for support. I escape her arms and wipe at my eyes. "Kate...how did you get here? I thought you were with Elliot?" She should be in Barbados right now, sipping cocktails and basking in the sun in her bikini. "We um...had a disagreement. So I came back early..." She trails off at the end of her sentence, eyebrows furrowed. "But that doesn't matter right now. Why are you crying? What did Christian do to you?" Her concern is borderline anger and I flinch at the thought. "We broke up. He..." I stutter out my response, not knowing what to say. I signed an NDA. I promised Christian I'd never tell. "He what, Ana? You're really worrying me!" Kate grabs my shoulders to steady me, but it's too late, the tears are already returning. "Shit! Just sit down." She lowers me to the couch and takes a seat next to me. "We don't have to talk about it right now, just whenever you're ready, okay. How about I make you some tea and we just relax for a minute. I'll tell you all about Barbados." Kate smiles at me, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. She's not going to be able to let this go. I'll have to tell her everything.

Kate brings me tea and sits with me on the couch while I drink it. It's my favorite. English Twinning's. She tells me about her short lived vacation with Elliot. It seems to me that she was enjoying herself. Yet when Elliot tried to pursue a more serious relationship with her, she told him she didn't want it. She left early and they broke things off. It's strange. I thought that'd be what she wanted, but apparently I was wrong. Poor Elliot. He must be heartbroken. It takes a special woman for someone like him to want to settle down so for her to not want the same must be devastating. I feel much calmer once I've finished my tea and heard Kate's story. As soothing as it is to listen to her voice, I know it's now my turn to talk. "When Christian and I met he warned me that he wasn't into the whole relationship thing. I suppose you already noticed that by his behavior. I stupidly thought I could change him and I realize now how wrong I was to think that. It just seemed to me that perhaps he was wanting more. All the little moments we had...the night we slept together for the first time, meeting his family, when he visited me in Georgia. I thought it was all leading up to a bigger compromise. That he would want a real relationship with me instead of just a sexual one like what he's used to pursuing. He made it clear that wasn't what he wanted, but I wouldn't just take his word for it. I kept pushing him to be something he was not. I should've just let him go a long time ago. The kind of sexual relationship he's interested in is something I've never wanted, yet I tried to understand for him. Kate, you have to promise not to tell anyone." I start, knowing I'm saying too much already, but I need to go on. I need her to promise not to tell. "I promise." I swallow hard and nod, willing myself to continue. "He wanted me to be his sex slave for lack of better words. I know how bad that sounds, but it wasn't like you'd think. Most of what we did together was fun and exciting. But he wanted to do more, things I wasn't comfortable with. I wanted to understand why he couldn't be happy with the things I had agreed with. I didn't get why he felt the need to punish me or why he seemed to get off on my pain. I told him to show me the worst of it. So he did. Afterwards I realized that he couldn't love me the way I did him. That he wanted to see me in pain. So I left." Kate doesn't say a word for a moment, for once she looks utterly speechless. Her lack of words doesn't last for long though. Before I know it she's bombarding me with questions and I do my best to answer it all. We stay there on the couch for hours just talking. I tell her every little detail of Christian and I's relationship. Somehow talking about it feels better. It helps me to clear up some of the chaos in my head. For once Kate doesn't judge. She just listens and occasionally offers some encouragement or helps me to clarify things I've left unclear. By the end of the night I feel much better than I did when I arrived home. But there's still the image of Christians haunted eyes as he watched me leave in the back of my brain reminding me that I'm not the only one who's heart is split in two.