~The Montague's party is beginning, the crowd begins to enter. Capulet & Tybalt are well disguised with masks~
Capulet: (whispering) Now recall Tybalt, thee musn't beest social with anyone but me. We art only hither to...(lying) receiveth inside information on Romeo, I feeleth like that gent may beest trouble and a threat to us
Tybalt: (doesn't understand that he needs to shut up) Of course he's trouble! So art his little gay friends Mercutio and Benvolio. Mine lord doth I misprise those gay misfits...
Capulet: Oh alloweth those folk beest, those gents art not harming thee
Tybalt: Not harming thee? Fair enough, but those gents art spreading a disgusting homosexual disease all around mine fair Verona! The gays art harming our city!
Capulet: Wherefore must thee at each moment beest so much trouble? Husht, lad! Now, lest I going to headeth to the toilet. How about thee tryeth findeth a nice, quaint wench?
Tybalt: Mhm... Capulet leaves. I has't only got one lady in mind...
***
~Capulet finds Montague and they very secretively go into Montague's bedroom and lock the door~
Montague: Lest I glad thee could cometh. Tybalt is well disguised, correct?
Capulet: Of course. Is thither anything thee needeth from me? Thee hath seemed rather eager for me to cometh to this party
Montague: The only thing I needeth is thy body
~Montague grabs Capulet and passionately kisses him~
Capulet: Oh, Montague! Thee naughty sinner, and to bethink thy wife is right outside this door! We shouldn't, but alas doest it feeleth valorous!
~Capulet and Montague have a steamy exchange, kissing more. But loud yells interrupt them~
Lady Montague: (From outside the door) Tybalt Capulet?! What art thee doing hither?! Go, prick thy face and over-red thy fear, thou lily-liver'd boy! I bite my thumb at you! get thee hence nasty Capulet! Thou has't some nerve disgusting knave!
Tybalt: Nobody speaketh to me like that without a square, filthy Montague! This is war! Right hither, right now! I don't giveth a rat's rampallian if 't be true thou art a mistress or a sir! Square me, wench!
Capulet and Montague: (In sync, still locked in room) Fie! Jesus!
Montague: Wait hither mine love... I has't to wend taketh care of this but if 't be true thou art seen, mine wife wilt killeth us both!
Capulet: Well enow sweet cheeks, I'll wait... (Montague begins to leave room, Capulet sees him from behind) Oh sweet lord behold at that buttocks! I can't attend thee to cometh back so I can receiveth a better behold at thy plump rampallian, daddy Montague...
Montague: Oh peace, sirrah thou art fair too!
~Montague leaves to clean up the mess with Tybalt and Lady Montague~
Montague: Thither wilt beest no fighting at our party, no war thee goon! Tybalt, there's the door, useth t please! No harm done, just wend already!
Tybalt: The hell didst thee just sayeth to me? I bite my thumb at you, I am the greatest fighter in all of Verona! I wilt not leaveth without a square!
Montague: Ugh, bet? Fine, square up thee goon!
Tybalt: Wow a Montague who isn't a complete wimp and who wilt at each moment baffle themself! Impressive, not as impressive as mine fighting, however!
~Tybalt pulls out his sword, while Lady Montague gives Montague's his~
Montague: I didst not wanteth t to cometh to this, Tybalt. But thou has't hath left me with no choice!
~Capulet storms out of the room, objecting to the fight~
Capulet: No! Cease this!
Lady Montague: Capulet?!?! Husband, what on earth is happening? What is that gent doing hither? Is that gent with Tybalt? By my christendom if 't be true thee invited these Capulet goons, I'll receiveth Romeo and we wilt leaveth thee! If't be true thee telleth me that thee invited the Capulets I'll maketh mine way to Mantua at once!
Romeo: (Peaking his head down from upstairs) Mother! Lest I not going anywhere!
Lady Montague: First of all, thee wilt doth what ever I telleth thee to doth, ungrateful knave! Second of all, husht! Husband, answer me.
Montague: Of course I didst not invite the lacking valor Capulets! Leaveth at once, before I killeth thee both! (Winks at Capulet)
~Lord Capulet and Tybalt leave, Tybalt only leaves because Capulet physically forces him~
Tybalt: (Shouting, while out the door) A plague on both your houses! Thee shalt rue the day!
YOU ARE READING
Star-Crossed Lovers
HumorWhen Friar Lawrence spots the Capulets' trusty Nurse, he immediately falls in love with her. Not just her absolutely stunning looks, but her deep compassion for both Romeo & Juliet in their trying times that Friar shares. But that's not the only so...
