I Need To Know | Dan Howell x Reader

I Need To Know Why

"Y/N please just calm down we can talk about this" I hear through the ringing in my ear.
"I'm so sorry baby just please talk to us" A warm weeping voice echoes through my empty thoughts bouncing back and forth between the walls of my skull.

Every thing is slow and blurred with snippets glitching in and out of focus , My heart starts pounding faster and faster as time follows. All the blood rushes back through my body and all I see is red.

"How could you not tell me, after all these years. How could you be so cruel ,kept tugging the wool over my eyes thinking that I would be fine with this". I tear up choking on every breath I take .

"We wanted you to feel loved and like you belonged " the warm voice exclaims weeping even harder. "I'm sorry , We are sorry"

"How do you expect me to believe you after lying to me my whole life" anger infiltrates my face as betrayal takes over my mind. I'm not in the right mind set to bring the conversation any further. I have to end it before I take it to far.

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"I need to go I'm sorry" I weep

"Please don't leave us we love you" Both shout

I stop packing and turn to the voices
" I love you both so much and you two will always be my parents but I Need To Know Why " I continue packing until I feel a soft hand rest on my shoulder.

"Y/N , I think you need to know something honey" my mothers warm voice announces. "Please sit down. When we adopted you the centre gave us an envelope to give to you when we thought you were ready, it's filled with all the information they had on you" she pulls the envelope out from a jewellery box on a shelf and hands it over to me. " Now that we have discussed this it's up to you to open it when you are ready" I look down at the envelope and trace my fingers around the edges and the writing.

"Do with the envelope as you will but remember you are always welcome back with open arms .You are still our child and we love you so much but we also respect that you want to find your biological family" My father starts choking up " We are just one call away"

My eyes start welling up with tears and my face starts to crease. The thought of the ones I love caring for me and loving me with all their heart brings me to tears. As the tears start to over flow from my eyes an encore of sobs comes from my parents. We all clump together in a damp hug and exchange love.

"This is going to be a journey I must do on my own , but I promise you both will be long living in my heart" my speech restarts a tidal wave of tears and emotions and we all re connect like magnets back into a hug.
I never understood how happiness could make someone cry, But now I do. Happiness and sadness go hand in hand .You need to lose something to appreciate what you gain, Like happiness you need to lose it for a while before you can re-appreciate what you had. I need to lose what I know about myself and find who I am meant to be before I can really appreciate what I had and now have in my life.

AN
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Well I'm totally not crying.
Let me know what you think about this chapter👌🏻👌🏻