Critical - a Phan AU

Chapter 5

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Dan's POV

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The apartment feels exceptionally lonely and I'm passing around each room, opening doors just to stop in my tracks, close it and go to the next door. It's like I'm frantically, subcontiously looking for something that I can't acheive and it's leading me in a repetative search that will only accomplish time wasting.

I can't stop it though, my feet leading my body, always a step before I know where I'm going.

I enter the lounge, my body moving towards the TV. I see my pale hand reach for the remote, before my whole body goes ridgid. I stay in the position for a few seconds before quickly retracting my arm, spinning around and walking elsewhere.

I end up in the kitchen this time, going to turn on the kettle. Perhaps I am going to make a tea... but I don't feel like tea. I switch it off again.

I don't belong anywhere... I have no purpose. There's not a single plausible action that will change the way I'm feeling right now. No escape. Pacing? Making tea? Read a book? What's that possibly going to do to help me move forward in life when i'm in this state of mind? I'm helpless, insignificant, worthless...

I sink to the cold, tiled ground, my back pressed against a cupboard. Staring up at the ceiling I suddenly notice how far away it is from me... How tall and daunting it actually is when I'm so close to the ground.

The awareness of my body starts to drift from my conscience as it goes numb, like all my nerves have died. I take no notice of my hands turning white and my lips paling. I just stare at the ceiling, trapped inside my own mind and my body completely immobile. Of course I can get up, I could go for a walk, visit someone... but why would I do that when every single action I make is completely insignificent to the scheme of the entire universe.

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"Phil?"

"Hey, Dan," the northen tinted accent replies through the phone.

It's been 3 days since I met Phil. We've texted a little, keeping in touch, but Phil's been busy working recently. I was surprised to see a incoming phonecall from 'Phil Lester ^.^'.

"Hey," I chuckle nervously, not quite knowing what to say.

"I was just calling as I have a day off today. My boss said I can have it off 'cause I'm still settling into the city. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out?" he questions and I'm awed by his confidence. He isn't stuttering and doesn't sound like he's doubting every word the leaves his mouth. How does he do that?

"That sounds great! Where- where do you want to, um, meet?" I reply awkwardly.

"Not sure, do you have any ideas?"

I feel my blood freezing in my veins, like my circulation has cut off. Tiny beads of sweat instantaneously gather on my forehead.

"Oh, um... There's a park not too far... Or, or a cafe? And a cinema? Whatever sounds good to you." I clench all of my muscles in order to focus on keeping my voice steady. I'd be so emabarrassed if he heard my voice shaking when trying to a have a completely normal conversation with someone on the phone.

"Ooh, a park! That sounds nice. Would you be a gentlemen and pick me up from my apartment so we can go together, since I'm not sure where it is," Phil questions, his voice velvety and smooth, effortlessly drifting to my ears.

"Yeah, of course. I'll get ready be over there soon."

"Sounds good, see ya soon."

"See ya, Phil."