The Smell of Pure Fear

Coffee for Two?

When class was over I picked up my book bag and walked to the parking lot. Gerard caught up to me quickly. “Do you want to go to Starbucks with me?” Usually, I would have responded with some cold hearted remark but I did something that surprised even myself. “Sure.”

Gerard stepped into his black car and I noticed I didn't have a ride to Starbucks. “Um, I don't have a ride...”

“Not a problem. Get in.” His smile got huge.

“Well, my father always told me not to take rides from strangers.” Gerard laughed out a melody. “Do you have any candy? Might as well, break all the damn rules.”

Gerard laughed. “I like you. Sarcastic as hell. I think we're going to get along great.” I climbed into the passenger seat. Starbucks was only 2 or 3 minutes away so we didn't exactly talk that much. When we got inside Gerard ordered a latte and I ordered a cappuccino.

I fished through my purse for my cash but I felt Gerard's hand pulling mine back. I looked up at him to see him shaking his head no. “I've got this.” I didn't even try protesting against him.

We walked to our table after receiving our coffees. “So, why art school?” Gerard asked.

“I love doing art and cartooning. I took a special liking to comic books so I basically figured why not try doing it yourself.” I nodded my head to myself while I talked.

“Really? I love comics too.” Gerard looked as if he was so shocked that we had something in common.

“Why did you want to go to art school?” It was my turn to ask him.

“Mostly the same reasons as you. I want to do something with my life, this seemed like the best way to go. Plus, easiest way to get out.”

“I know exactly what you mean...” I mumbled.

“I'm sorry but I have to ask. Are you English?” I knew he would ask sooner or later.

“English?” A laugh escaped my lips. “Not English. Irish.”

“Oh I'm sorry. I just knew it was a foreign accent.”

“It's perfectly fine. A lot of people ask. At least you got an answer." 

"What do you mean?" Gerard's eyes were full of curiosity. 

"Most of the time it annoys me when people ask. Not this time though. I moved here about 3 and a half years ago, when my mum left my dad. Since then I've worked on hiding my accent, sometimes it doesn't work out very well," I explained. 

"It's really pretty. Although it makes me feel like a douche. I mean you're over there speaking in that elegant English accent and I'm so generic."

"You are not generic and I am not English, besides there is nothing glamorous about my life!" I tried to laugh that remark off.

"Oh please, you probably live in uptown New Jersey with your happy little family." If he only knew...

I tried to half-heartedly smile but all that came out was a pained look. Before he could take much notice of my reaction I skipped to a new subject. "So what kind of music do you listen to?"

"Iron Maiden-" A huge smile replaced my grimace. "Thursday, The Used, The Misfits"

"Good choices. I adore Iron Maiden. Not too familiar with Thursday though." I hoped I didn't sound too stupid.

"They're amazing. Maybe you could come over some time and I'll show you some music. Possibly comics. I mean if you want to," he offered. Embarresment was evident on his face.  

"That would be very nice." I wasn't sure how my dad would feel about me being gone later than usual. 

"Awesome, I don't live very far from here. About 5 minutes. You could ride to my house with me, hang out a bit, decide whether or not you want to hate me. We'll have a good time. Then I'll drive you home." His plan sounded good except for the last part. 

"You aren't a serial rapist are you?" 

Amusement coated his voice when he answered. "Last time I checked, no. Just a college student trying to make something of himself. Well, maybe a creature of the night." He winked at me. 

"Oh, so like dungeons, coffins, and moats? Sorry, not into that." A smirk was playing on my lips.

"Then it's a good thing I'm not. I don't  want to scare you away." 

We both stood up and took the remainder of our coffee with us. When we were in Gerard's car he looked over at me. His eyes were locked on me. "What did you mean in class earlier? About knowing how it feels to be in things alone."

I felt like I should answer his question. "It's just that, tell me if I'm wrong. I can see the pain in your eyes and I know how that feels. I can see addiction in your eyes, self medicating won't help and I don't want to see someone who's clearly talented go to waste. It kills me to see anyone do that to themselves."

Gerard took a deep breath and looked away before his sad eyes found mine. "You don't understand what my life is like. As much as I want to listen to someone who cares, I'm not going to. Mikey's tried a thousand times. I'm not changing for anyone. You don't know what I have to go through at home. I have to have some reason to live."

"You have no clue how much I do understand about shitty lifes. Trust me, I really do. You do have a reason to live, you have people who love you, people that care about you. You don't see how greatful you should be. Are you blind? Open your eyes and see what kind of life you have ahead of you. You go to college, have a car, you're still alive, you must have something to live for, someone. Don't fool yourself. You aren't fooling me."

"You seem like you have some understanding. I guess I do have someone to live for." An unspoken translation was passed between us. 

"Um, we should get back to the school," I said awkwardly. 

Gerard grunted. "I guess so."

"We only have an hour left. You can handle that, right? Do you have visual effects?" 

"No. Painting."

"Bummer. Meet you outside at the picnic tables?" We were pulling up to the school at this point.

"Sounds good." 

"Bye, Gee." I spoke in a melancholy drone. 

"Bye, Darcy." Gerard waited a second before going to class. He just stood in the same spot, students pushing and shoving past him.