Dear Diary...

Second chapter

Well, hello again...If you're still reading this it means that at least someone cares about me.
I know that I complain a lot but I'll try not to, ok?!
So, tody I'm going to talk about your first love. Yeah I know love is crap (and here I am complaining again), but somehow everyone goes after it. Well You get to a point in your life where you see your friends, family and other people or even in movies  people super happy because they have someone they love and you start wondering what would be like if you had that "someone" that loves you unconditionally, that tells you beautifull things and you start looking for him/her. The society (special movies) says that your first love is really important and put it like it's some kind of fairy tail (like cinderella) where the kiss is perfect, and that the times stand still, and that you'll be together forever, and they make you belive that everything is like that roses and peace, but let me break it you...it's not...wake up because real life is nothing like roses and peace. I can tell you from experience (yeah 'cause my loving life is worst than a rotten apple) that the idea of the perfect kiss and person exist is false. There are some people there are meant to be happy with someone for the rest of their life and than exist other (me) that love is just not for them at all. Of course I'm fine with it, I mean, with my body or with my personality no one wants to be with me (Sometimes neither do I want to be with me), nad that's fine, I already had time to mentalize it, but it still hurts when everyone around you has boyfriends/girlfriends and you are all alone. Sometimes I have those moments where I want to be with someone (I think it happends to everybody) but I wouldn't change my single status for a boyfriend.
It's not that I don't belive  in love, because I do, it's just I don't think I deserve it or that it's not for me, you know what I mean, right?
After so many disappointments I stop beliving it you know?
There is a thing you have to know about me, I am the most unlucky person in the whole world, and no I'm not over reacting. I like to think that I am karma itself. And karma do not have the luxury to love or be loved
(again I'm complaining-sorry I gess it stronger than me).