My body had been abused and taken advantage of. I'm self conscious of the small amount of fat on my stomach, how much non existent cleavage could possibly show, if my bra straps are visible, because I don't want another person to think it's okay to take advantage and abuse my body and my skin again. Sure it gets better with time, but the fear is still there. The memories are forever in my mind and the marks that were made on my skin will never fade from my eyes. Sometimes there's a phantom hand, and it makes me want to scream and cry. It feels irrational to have this fear of sexual intercourse. The thought makes me uncomfortable, because every time before that, was someone I trusted. Someone who knew me well, and crossed a boundary they had no permission to cross. A person can leave right after, they don't have to stay. They can feed you lies of "I love you" and "you're so beautiful" and "I'd never leave I'd never do that to you"
But they do, they did. They took me at my most vulnerable point and twisted the knife deeper and deeper into my back and into my mind. So thank you for the fear, it was a lovely gift to remember you by. Thank you for leaving your mark, it will never be erased from my mind. Thank you for your time, you will never have it back and neither will I.
YOU ARE READING
Let's Get Lost in Words
РазноеEmotions and feelings are confusing and terrible. So this is where they go, maybe they'll make sense later 🙃
